She could see all of the changes I had made and they were all positive, but too late for her.
That has a certain "ring" to what you are saying here. I see a woman who is looking down her nose, knowing that all these changes have been to get her back. It is as if she is clicking her tongue and shaking her head sadly at you and saying, "Too bad, too late".
If that is the message she is getting out of you making these changes....then you need to turn things around so that she sees & hears a different message. She needs to see a man who is changing for himself and no other reason. Until she feels a threat of losing you, her thinking will not change.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She could see all of the changes I had made and they were all positive, but too late for her.
That has a certain "ring" to what you are saying here. I see a woman who is looking down her nose, knowing that all these changes have been to get her back. It is as if she is clicking her tongue and shaking her head sadly at you and saying, "Too bad, too late".
If that is the message she is getting out of you making these changes....then you need to turn things around so that she sees & hears a different message. She needs to see a man who is changing for himself and no other reason. Until she feels a threat of losing you, her thinking will not change.
Sandi I miss your posts, thank you for participating here, you woke me up a long time ago on all of this and a woman's perspective is so important here, it's not enough for us guys to hear advice from guys but they need it from the women on these forums as well, if anything I would say it's even more important than what we can offer.
I too consider sandi2's posts immensely important and insightful. I found her correspondence with BigJohn in the thread he has on the Walk away spouse forum one of the most important finds of this site.
I would highly suggest you guys read through this one, as she has so many insights that are going to apply to your sitches..
sandi2, I can not say enough how your posts have helped me understand so much about my own sitch. I humbly offer my thanks to you, for all you have done on this site and helping other people.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
IWITW, thanks for the link. I remembred reading that, but it was a darn good refresher.
Went to Church today with the kids and W. Just like old times except the immense tension between us. It's interesting that everytime our Pastor speaks, I believe it is a message to us. Today was on giving, and I was still able to relate, word for word what he said to our M. Strange....
Anyway, trip out west this week and then to the midwest. Yes, I will be all over the US over 4 days. Life of a sales person ain't that glamerous. But great opportunities to stop and reflect on things and to catch my breath. Thursday starts my week with the boys. Can't wait for that. On a positive note, it is good that W and I survived the weekend without any major fallout. It wasn't perfect, but it could have been much worse. Keeping busy and realizing that I need to focus on me and the kids, rather than her, has helped. I also became aware that W had finally worked things out with my SIL. Not that it has anything to do with me or saving my M, but I had encouraged her to remember that nothing was more important than family and that she needed to resolve her issues. I am happy that she has. That will make a huge difference for my boys being able to spend time with their cousins. What I find somewhat curious is that she told me the two of them had been able to just agree that the past was the past. Now, why can't she do that with us? Rhetorical question.
What will this week bring? Who knows. One day at a time.... One hour at a time.
I need a new hobby. hummm....... This is something to work on this week. What would I be interested in doing that I have never done before?
Sandi, your note BTW, hit home. It is tough when you are making these changes for yourself for the WAW to see that. I guess that they are so self consumed that they fail to realize that the LBS could really be changing for him (her) self. That change is not only possible, but can be a reality. I will say this, the last 4 months have changed my life in ways I NEVER thought possible. It has given me newfound hope about my future as a person, and has increased my own self confidence. It has been painful, and I sure wish there had been another way, but here I am the newly emerging me. There are some really tough things that are going to happen soon with the W and me. I will remember to keep to the high road and do what is best overall for the boys, then me.
Regardless of what happens, I will remember (even when it may be really, really, really hard,) that there is a plan, that I am not in control of that plan, but something great is waiting somewhere out there for me. My hope - probably the hope of most of us here is that it is a M 2.0 with W 1.0, but if that doesn't happen, someone else sure is going to grab a good person with me.
For some reason, Sundays ALWAYS make me happy now :-)
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Regardless of what happens, I will remember (even when it may be really, really, really hard,) that there is a plan, that I am not in control of that plan, but something great is waiting somewhere out there for me.
Hmmmm...do you mean this in the Christian sense that God is in control and has the plan? Be careful not to sit back and give God too much responsibility in how this shakes out. That's what He gave us intellect for You control you.
Amen Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Well, back from a long trip and expected the papers today. None yet. So, will she blAST the weekend or wait until early next week. I vote that she waits until Tuesday. We should be betting on this. Sorry state of afairs. But using GIMA and Coaches approach, I too have come to realize that the base worry is being alone or lonely. Neither will happen, so if i fix that,then better emotions should follow. we shall see. No emotions about anything right now...
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
You control you.