Gotta Keep Trying 2

[givingitmyall]

Gardener,

Point well made and taken. So hard to break that habit. Just have to have faith. What other choice is there?

Thanks, man.

[Greek]

So I'm going to agree now with Gardner and the others about the card. I told you initially when you asked that you should give her a sort of general card to mark the day. Rethinking that, I think you should not mark the day. Not to be an a$$ - b/c you are certainly not - but b/c she said she doesn't want to be in a M. So what value would a card marking the fact that she is in a M have...really? And your message going forward will be something along the lines of "I don't want to be in THIS M as it is." No ring. No card. See a L. Call a realtor. Control the $. No engagement. 100% fab fatherhood. GAL. Strength and honor - that's how you roll.

Push back.

Idea ~~~ take the kids out tomorrow night. Go see a movie (Where the Wild Things Are) and eat junk food. Just come home, announce "Hey kids, put your shoes on....Daddy wants to see xyz movie." And be out of that door within 20 minutes. Of course, Mrs. GIMA must remain on the other side of the door. Again, not to be an a$$, but b/c you want to make your days a positive experience even when facing a challenge.

Greek

[givingitmyall]

Ok.

Question. I don't give her a card. She gives me one. Do I accept it? Or do I politely say thanks, but given that you don't want to be in a M, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to accept this.

[shellshockedga]

My $.02, you accept it and say thank you, but I know others will have a more informed opinion.

[Greek]

She hands you the card in person, "Thanks." Open it later, not in her presence. Say nothing more about it. Put it away.

She leaves the card for you and you find it, open it, put it away (office drawer, briefcase, whatever) and say nothing.

Do not allow her to take your temp. She's been using that against you, I think. She's known that you want her, love her, worry about your M succeeding. Take that info away. Leave her in the dark.

Greek

[Greek]

Follow on to that GIMA ~~~~
One of the benefits of having your sisters on here to bounce things off is that we more or less know chick psyche. And one thing a woman can do is read some tea leaves (body language, facial expression, a look away ~~~ or at least we try). We take that info along with what we say and pig out on the interpretations. The less you say, the less you react, the less you give her to calculate with ~~~ the better. She can't figure out three moves ahead of you if she has no intel. And without that, my friend, she loses some of the control she unfairly claims in this R. You need some control, too. When you take it, she'll respect it - even if she doesn't like it - and that will put her into a situation of needing to effectively communicate with you (not just mindread or dictate).

Does that make sense?
Greek

[givingitmyall]

Yes Greek. That does make sense and but for folks like you, we DAM's wouldn't have any window on the female psyche. I am so thankful for that.

@Grek and P Shell, got it on just saying thanks for the card if in person.

Greek, your post on the female psyche is priceless. Thank you!

[Gardener]

Gems from Greek, as always.

Gima, make all your GAL activities and kidlet thingies very spontaneous from now on. Very short-notice (if any) to wife and be gone.

I definitely agree with the card advice: "Thanks". Period. Nothing else.

Hey Greek, could you ask Coach to look at that small temporary thread I started to get his attention briefly. It is cleverly entitled Coach
I keep bumping it as it keeps descending quickly into Dante's lower circles here.

Thanks

[Greek]

Will do, Gardner!
Greek

[givingitmyall]

Another day of pullback for me. Have not spoken to W much. Need to watch that I'm not coming across rudely. Feels like I am, if withdrawn is rude.

Will tell W I am taking over bill paying and checking account and finances either tonight or tomorrow - I'm pretty worn out now - wanted to get myself exhausted with my work out this am, and I did.

@Greek, I like the idea about taking kids to a movie tomorrow on my anniversary but S has a football game, so that won't work. I will be very surprised if W even acknowledges the day, much less a card. But, I really don't expect a thing.

So, I am back to LRT just like before. No initiating conversation. He!!, I am not even making eye contact.

The struggle I am in now is where this is all going. I am pretty sure I know where it leads. How ugly to be contemplating a D action when the holidays are just around the corner. Not that there is ever a good time for it.

One day at a time.