Thanks JiJi. It's funny, that's my W's nephew's pet name for her. The little dude can't say her name.
What you say is true. I will have to work on forgiving myself. I do feel extreme guilt in turning a once loving do anything for you, brilliant beautiful, sexy woman into a woman who doesn't feel anything good about herself. It will be hard to ease this guilt. I try to atone to God. I'm sure he knows my heart. When I see her crying like today, my heart breaks. In my heart, I know that she's trying like heck to hate me,but I think she's having a hard time. 10 years is a lot of time to start hating someone that was your life. A week ago, we were watching Jerry Maguire. Previous to this, I thought his "you complete me" statement was laughable. No real guy talks like this. When this scene came on, she shifted several times. Today, I told her the changes I'm going through helped me to understand what that meant. I told her that I feel incomplete without her and I actually told her that she did in fact complete me. She sat there and then threw up her shields. I'm sure she was thinking dayumit Blackrook you a$$hole, why didn't you say this when I needed it the most. I think my saying it now created anger for this reason.
If this pain I feel, the rejection and loss of love is only a fraction of what she felt, I feel even worse. I'll do my best to forgive myself.
