Sooo, the weekend here is coming to an end soon which means stbX left for his work after staying here the two days.Overall a calm time. No sex or anything, he told me last night his doc said no sex till Tuesday when he will have the ultra sound again to check if the stone is gone. The reason he told me that is because i kissed him around 4-5 in the morning and frankly I wanted to "try" and see how that would work. Making love has become a big issue for me. Feeling wanted and desired physically is something I crave for. All my insecurities are resurfucing and that shows DBing may not have changed me that much in the end.
We didnt have any heartfelt discussions or anything. I told him once that if he loves me, it is now THE time to show me. He asked "why, dont you feel it?" and my answer "no, not really" didnt make him happy.
My self confidence is being tested. And I think I am not passing the test. I feel I seem needy and weak. But I cant find the balance between being "open" to him and careful at the same time. I guess I am a "all or nothing" person. Cant explain it well. But I have so much work to do on me. Sigh... K
