I am continuing to struggle with finding the right balance between not pursuing/ not discussing R and establishing some boundaries with my W. I have told her how I feel (e.g., I want the marriage to work, I love her, I am committed to doing my part to change), but she also needs to know that I am not going to hang in limbo forever, and that there are basic requirements I have for moving forward with the M. We are 1 month into a 6 month period of working on it, and she has stated that she wants me to be treated for depression and wants to see improvement in my mood.
The problem is that I feel very little love, affection, or commitment from her. It has been getting worse and worse for a number of years, and I feel that I am now just finding my strength to accept and prepare for the possibility that things will not work out.
She does not believe that I really love her as I went through a rough patch personally for a few years when our children were babies and was not very attentive. We also started off on the wrong foot as she pressured me into committing early on and I was on the fence and she jumped through hoops to meet my requirements and now she resents me for that. I have done a lot work over the past year to learn to be more unconditional in my love for her and to show her how I feel, but now she is mistrustful of my expressions of love. She says I treated her poorly our entire R (not true, but there were times that I was not my best) and can't see that some overnight turnaround could be genuine.
For me though it is very real and I am more certain than I have ever been in my life that this marriage is what I want. But having a W who is so cold and distant much of the time is something I cannot deal with for too much longer. I will be kind of relieved when this five months are over....at least I will have a decision and can move forward. I am just struggling with how to deal with her in the interim.....I am trying to do the loving detachment, but sometimes I tell her how I feel and she seems receptive.
I am making real changes for myself...but I want to save my family. I watched my parents each go through 2 divorces and they are both still alone....I don't want to put my kids through that and our M problems are not insurmountable. W seems to be hanging onto to some advice/ feedback from a psychic that love should not hurt and that somehow her current situation is holding her back from realizing her true potential, and that I am not her "soul mate". How do I possibly compete with that kind of fantasy?
