Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mish.. yep, it sure was, he is eloquent at times, but also (like this morning) just says that he cant explain why he did the things he did, but he made a series of "ridiculous" decisions. He says he can remember the events but cannot remember how he felt emotionally at the time, or felt about them.

Sunday morning seems to be the day I ask him stuff. He cried again. So we did manage to arrange a few good nights out with friends this week...one just remarried, but made sure to tell her exH first, out of courtesy and respect, the minute she was engaged. Of course, bf never contacted me when he started seeing Helen and he says he coawrdly couldnt face it. So I told him today I cant square the loving, kind, partner he was before and is again now with that person who could stop all contact with me for months and let me find out from near strangers he had a new gf. He cried and we talked a little about that..

But then he said he DID still feel guilt, and for "everything".. I asked what and he said "for his whole life and especially his Dad".. so we talked a bit about this. He says he is still dealing with his death and guilt toward his Dad. I said it sounded like he was in one of the normal stages of grief/bereavement - guilt, but for some reason he had got stuck there (4 years on). And thats not good for him and I wanted him to know I am aware of this and will help or talk to him about it if he needs to, but its down to him to talk to me or to find some help for himself (I doubt he will yet). Then our "hour" was up and we had a cooked breakfast!

Piecing is hard because not only are you dealing with the aftermath of shock and grief of the S, difficlut feelings of insecurity or jealousy, whatever, to do with any ow, but also, you are still having to deal with all the issues that were always there in the R before all of this happened and with a partner who may not be that emotionally healthy anyway! And maybe I still have a way to go to forgive him.