Is my wife a WAW or is this a MLC? thx2brs

[cat04]

AYK,

You have gotten some excellent advice and thoughts since you received the D papers.

Yes a some marriages have come back from the brink, Jack, BND, Yellowrose, IMLIN.

But those people, they didn’t LEAD their S to anything. They did the work, they prayed to God to allow things to work our for whatever their highest and best good was to be, and they allowed this to happen in God’s time, in the mean time working on themselves.

By the time their S started to look at them again, they were very different people from who they were at the beginning of this. They were ready and able to be in a good and healthy relationship. They were able to be the rock that they had to be through the Piercing process.

You are not there yet, by any means, but you can get there.

Your W, she may need this D as part of her process. She may wake up, she may not. Eventually, I think most of them do. When she does, she still may not want you. You just never know.

That list, the ones you said you could not change, I realize you have ADD, but that is only an obstacle to you changing if you want to. Anything, anything can be changed if you want to change it badly enough. It just takes work.

I too was compulsive. I don’t think I realized it for a long time to be honest, and I was not always like that so I’m not sure where it came from. I had nervous habits, like pulling my hair out strand by strand, I wasn’t even aware I was doing it, until I became aware, and stopped it. It was hard. It took very conscious effort on my part, and even more effort to not pick up some other compulsion. My house, that was really something else. My slap in the face was one day a few years ago, we had a house guest who tried to help me out by folding the towels and putting them in the linen closet. Well when I went to get a towel and they were not only folded wrong, but in the wrong place, let’s just say the fallout was not pretty. I had to removed every single thing from the closet, rewash all of it, even stuff that was not used or in it’s wrong place, refold it all and put it back exactly as I needed it to be. The houseguest just apologized and tried to help, which I not so kindly refused, my H and S said they both told her she was doing it wrong, that she would be in trouble, and she should have just left it alone. It took me two days of almost non stop work to make it right and I could not and did not feel better until it was. Well, you should see that closet today. I really do even care how it is as long as it doesn’t have dirty stuff in it and I didn’t have to break my back to get it that way. If you want to change those things, you can.

Right now she does not see it, she may never see it, but she is not your sole supporter. Look at you already. You have so much support on here, and I don’t know if you see it. You have great people posting to you. Cheering you on, pushing and challenging you where you need it, comforting if it is what they feel. But all supporting you to improve, survive, and eventually thrive through this. They will continue if you let them. And there has been consistency among those that post to you, so that may really be something you should look at and think about. We all have our own thoughts and styles of expression, but we have been consistent with you. Because from the outside we can see, what you may have a hard time seeing from the very middle of the mess. If you continue on this path, you will hopefully make yourself happy, and she will see that. Will it make a difference in the marriage, that is not known. But will it make a difference in you, yes.

You can do this.