Geez Nell, I'm not sure where to start here... I could sugar-coat it but that would not be doing you any favours as I see it.
STOP!
I am frustrated because I see what you are doing and it reminds me so much of me before I found DBing and I really do believe that the first months when the spouse leaves are the best time in which to reconcile and you are wasting those by doing things that DO NOT WORK over and over.
Your h came round today/ yesterday to test the waters with you, at his instigation. You are looking to place that small seed of doubt in his mind that he is not doing the right thing by walking away. Honestly, do you think your actions yesterday did that or do you think they reinforced his ideas?
This is the time you need to look at your actions and start doing some 180s. Not just in the pursuing stakes but in being really honest with yourself about your actions in the relationship.
Quote:
I asked him if he missed his home and he said "home ... yes, house no". He went on to say that he felt that I had forced his hand in moving out of our home because my rage was getting worse. I asked him to imagine how he would feel if the bomb had been dropped on him rather than vice versa. He said that he understood but was not prepared to tolerate such.
I am thinking of this in particular. I know that when they are in the midst of an affair they say things to make excuses, however what are the things that may have been small before and he has blown up to justify his leaving. Change those!
Thirdly, you had relationship talks ALL day. Why? You made leading relationship comments all day and you 'tested the waters' constantly. Why? You know that you are not going to like what you hear and that talking about it reinforces their views rather than changes them.
Maybe this rage thing is something to work on with your counsellor?
Lastly, in the 24 hours since he has left you have called him, emailed him and texted him. Now, if he doesn't feel pressure from that then I don't know what.
Quote:
He feels life with ow is a better choice for him and I feel that the water is running out of my tub far too quickly.
(((Nell))) I know that feeling so well. I used to think of to as grains of sand running through my hand. You know the only thing that stopped those grains was active DBing. Getting a control of myself and realising I could carry on letting my feelings rule my actions and lose my h, or I could start using my head. And as soon as I started using my head and doing WHAT WORKS regardless of my feelings was when I started to get a grip again.
I totally believe you can do this. Do some homework, look with clear eyes at what works and what doesn't work. And you also need to look at your pursuing.
