UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

One great way to balance it, when their LL is AOS and yet you suspect infidelity (or even if they're just walkaway) and you don't want to "pursue":

Do an AOS -- one that's likely to be important to them -- but NOT the one that they told you to do.

In other words, ACT -- don't RE-act.

Be "leading."

Just find something to do, and DO IT. It doesn't even have to be big. Just something that says "I care for you," and that conveys love to her in HER love language.

Also, if they ARE wayward or walkaway, I wouldn't do this more than maybe once or twice per week

Puppy

Well guys, I've just completed a BIG AOS for my WAH. I'm not sure that AOS is his LL but I'm hedging my bets.

H mentioned yesterday that his expenses were late coming in this month and that he was a bit strapped as mortgage day approaches. I've just transferred his share of the mortgage AND the bills to our joint account from my own account and emailed H such:

"Hi H
FYI, I have transferred $xxxx to the joint account, just to take a bit of time pressure off you until you are paid from your expenses (November payment)".

Hopefully, he will value that and not feel that I am shaming or pursuing him by financial means. We briefly discussed it as an option yesterday but he felt that it would be OK. I said that I would not be comfortable if there was any doubt - I don't want us to be overdrawn. He said that it 'should' be fine.

Seeing Puppy's quote made me decide to act. This is a pure hearted gesture before ANYONE calls me on it! I just hope that H sees it that way too but to be honest, I don't think that he would even care. Money has never been a driver for him.

In doing this, I am assured of my mortgage and bills being paid on time and H knows that the pressure is off him. I hope that it doesn't backfire now!

This is the first big thing that I have struck forward with and yet it also says to H, "I still trust you". Yesterday, I foolishly told him that I didn't, so I hope that this makes up for that faux pas and he sees it for what it is. Genuine.