Wife's LL is act of service I think. She def likes to get things done. Always is thinking about what needs to get done next. Always has complained nothing gets done around the house. For example painting, She wants a couple of rooms painted. She had bought paint so yesterday i take time to paint. She waws really pleased how it turned out and has told me so. She also likes the chair she saw one day and a week later we went ahead and bought it.
These are both 180's for me since I would always say "why do we need that" and make excuses of how I was so tired from traveling.
I still need to work on boundries. I really feel the challenge is showing her Love while doing that. I also need to guard myself against an affair. Ugh! This isn't easy. Off to the gym with the boys.
Everyone have a great weekend!
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
One great way to balance it, when their LL is AOS and yet you suspect infidelity (or even if they're just walkaway) and you don't want to "pursue":
Do an AOS -- one that's likely to be important to them -- but NOT the one that they told you to do.
In other words, ACT -- don't RE-act.
Be "leading."
Wash her car. Or pull it in the garage for her late at night, when she's left it out and she's fallen asleep on the couch. Or repair -- and paint -- a favorite room, but NOT when it's been given to you as a "honey-do" item.
Just find something to do, and DO IT. It doesn't even have to be big. Just something that says "I care for you," and that conveys love to her in HER love language.
Also, if they ARE wayward or walkaway, I wouldn't do this more than maybe once or twice per week, and I'm talking more "pull the car in the garage," or "cover her up with a blanket on the couch" than I am the big stuff even.
Great points. It creates i'm thinking of you but not pursuing and the next time i'm not there to perform that small act of kindness. She may think about what i did.
Your post should be sticked in the quotes section.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
Great points. It creates i'm thinking of you but not pursuing and the next time i'm not there to perform that small act of kindness. She may think about what i did.
Your post should be sticked in the quotes section.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
well since we're all up for editing & revising what has been said, I'll give you my version:
"Are you able to watch the kids? If you can't watch them I'll get a sitter, thanks"
Remember "the dance", this is part of it.
She will invariably (I love that word, that and the term 'crap behavior'), ask you what's up and you will just reply "going out, are you able to take the kids?"
Short & simple.
You've made your decision to go out so no need to include her in that part of it, her only choice in any of this is to watch the kids or not and you'll have a plan in case she says no and if she does say no, you will reply "np" (no problem) and that's it.
Short & simple, a little mystery thrown in for color.
Just get an answer from her either way on watching the kids, you are looking for yes or no and you don't have to give her info on where you're going & who you're going with.
Great points. It creates i'm thinking of you but not pursuing and the next time i'm not there to perform that small act of kindness. She may think about what i did.
Your post should be sticked in the quotes section.
Oh, then it's just going to get all touristy and stuff.
I just woke up and looked at the clock it's almost 4:30. The w is still not home from going out with friends. Today she went shopping with mom and bought me new watch. Very nice. Was asking me multiple times if I liked it. I don't know what to do. She's here gotta go
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
