yup, leave it as is, remember no expectations, low expectations, no pressure.
A guy on this forum that I listened to when I first got on about a year ago had a great analogy, consider your husband a squirrel, yes very funny I know.
You're trying to get the squirrel to come to you, but it's scared, ready for you to do something scary and it will run away easily. So you put out some food, you don't make any sudden movements, if he comes by, great, you give him some food, make him comfortable enough to stay as long as he wants and then when he wants to leave, he leaves. You keep doing this, the squirrel gets used to coming by, gets used to not being scared, no pressure, he can let his guard down, he gets comfortable around you, he spends more time around you, you are no longer threatening him, etc. When you start making sudden moves, you'll scare him away.
So what do you do?
Whatever you're doing now that allows him to be around you with no pressure.
Obviously you're concerned about your kids and you should be, no worries, I would be the same but allow him to be a parent, allow him to care of the kids as much as you do, allow him to ask questions or to share what they've done, thank him as you've been doing - no pressure.
Cooking him a meal, consider it a gift that you're giving him, establish that between you two, human beings are patterns of behavior, cooking him a meal is a nice thing to do, even if he doesn't thank you outright he makes a connection between you, the meal and him, you're doing something nice for him and he will make that connection in his head, even if he doesn't come out & say it.
The fact that he asked you if you could cook supper for him too shows that he is making that connection between you and something nice like cooking him a meal regardless if he says it or not.
You're doing great, if no one else tells you this, I'll give you the credit because we can all use a little credit & appreciation. Everybody deserves to have their faith validated, a reason to keep going on and you're doing a great job - none of this is easy, especially when we're feeling lonely & unloved and really want that same mutual love & admiration to be reciprocal. This work takes discipline, alot of discipline, it requires doing stuff that we don't want to sometimes but we know we have to do it if we want any chance at the results & the rewards we're hoping for.
So for you: - no over analyzing - don't analyze - continue getting a life - don't live every moment for him - if you do get the opportunity to do something nice for him (ie. dinner), do it, remember if he asks you then he is establishing a connection in his brain between and something nice for him, you want him to have that idea & connection in his brain: you & nice things are synonymous - continue being a great parent - allow him to be a great parent, allow him to make mistakes without beating him up over those mistakes - allow him to invest time in you & the kids at his own pace, when we invest time & energy into things, it means we care for those things on some subconscious level - view him spending time with you as a good thing - low expectations - no pressure - keep life simple - do something nice for yourself, get in the habit of being responsible for your own happiness, your husband isn't responsible for your happiness, you are. He can only enhance or add happiness to your life but he can't be the sole cause of it, that's alot of pressure on anyone - when is the last time you had a manicure or pedicure or both, if you have time, you should do that - pump up your self-esteem, look at the word "self" esteem, it's you, you're responsible for feeling good about yourself, don't look for external validation, look for internal validation - when is the last time you went to a gym, do you go, if you don't, why don't you, physical activity is really good for your health & mental well being
From what I've read lately, you're doing a great job, keep up the good work - I believe in you.
