My two boys from my first marriage have obviously been confused through this process. W basically was "mom" to them for nearly 5 years of their lives.
That being said - she has checked on them maybe 2-3 times the entire 9 months since our separation, and until the past month or so virtually ignored them during custody exchanges.
Now she is wanting them to give her a hug when she comes in for the 10 minutes or so to get D1, and every so often brings them a $1 - $2 gift. Recently she told a mutual friend that she wishes she could "take them away" as well. Such are her words - but her actions are of someone who doesn't care.
Right now I haven't said anything, but I know that S8/S9 are confused about the situation.
I think it is important that I set a boundary for them W/MIL to stop "faking" their interactions as the only time they give two sh**s about S8/S9 is the 10 minutes it takes to swap out D1. Then they make a big show of hugs/gifts/whatever.
I really don't care to have it at this point, not with the absolute disregard they have shown toward the well-being of my boys.
I don't want to do it for any reason other than I don't really see there being a role for either of them with the boys once this has ended. W has made the process so miserable on everyone, and has shown a complete disregard for the welfare of everyone, that I think it is important to go ahead and cut that off so she can quit pretending to everyone that she cares.
It is obvious she doesn't.
This is just sad resolve on my part... my boys are confused and I'm not sure exactly what route to take here - especially with an ongoing legal situation.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Glad to see you here. It sounds like you're doing good.
Sorry to hear about your boys. Why do you think your W has changed from ignoring them like that? Strange. And yeah, that sounds like it would be confusing to your children, anybody really. I guess you need to have some talks with them.
Now all of a sudden W/MIL want to take my boys and D1 to get pictures made for Christmas.
I have no idea what they are up to - but I have no desire to be close to them. They act as if they want to all of a sudden be buddy buddy just because I've shown signs of moving on.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Now all of a sudden W/MIL want to take my boys and D1 to get pictures made for Christmas.
Maybe it's literally for show? They want to show everyone what loving caring women they are? They don't actually want to be loving, caring women, just want to look like them...
My W is doing something similar with my D (her step-D). She acts like she really cares but when push comes to shove she doesn't want to put the legwork in. She never enquiries how my D is, how her first day back at school was (that was today) or how her Dr's appointments go (one on Monday).
It get's to a stage where you think, what really is the point anymore of trying to keep things together for the WAS and your kids.
I agree with bluerain and karen43. This isn't about them being good women / parents. It's about them showing others that they are. Once the D is done, you will see that rapidly disappearing as they have nothing more to prove.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
