UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Sanderika - *sobbing*

I'm glad that I just came back to check on my thread as I was all for sending H an email. Now I don't think that it's such a bad idea, it just has to have different content. I need to tell him that I am prepared to listen to his troubles - whatever it costs me emotionally. Behind the scenes, it will be the only way that I can think of to start fighting fire with fire.

That tramp evidently has his ear and I am convinced that he honestly believes it's where he has to be ... he's looking for jobs interstate and when I tell him that he should go, he agrees that it is what will happen but the timing is not yet right "due to circumstance". It's him being short, blunt and mysterious. I need to root around a bit and find out what I am dealing with. I need to know what "due to circumstances" actually means. If you are right about bimbo (and I pray that you are), I probably will have a sporting chance. Now that I know she is in the game of bad mouthing me and he is not putting up with that, that's at least one up to me, eh?!!

Sanderika, my C believes that H is not done and that we have plenty to work off. I believe that too. My friends back in the UK have always commented that we are the 'perfect couple' and yet H now has no belief that we can turn this around. I told him that he would have to want to and he says "that's just it - now you are getting it - I just plain don't want to". I mentioned to him that I had plans to alter his Wedding Ring, which I have, and he said "that's fine - do what you want with it - it doesn't matter to me - it's yours". That cut me deeply. I retaliated with "then I could also take my Wedding Dress to the Salvo's I guess" and he said "likewise - it's not like you will wear it again" and I acknowledged that he was right - I shan't ever get married again. He laughed and said "I think that you might but you would have to have a new dress". My heart was breaking with every word.

Yesterday I mentioned to him that I had invited him previously for coffee/breakfast and that he had declined. He said "you only asked me twice" - I corrected that it was three times actually and told him that 3 times was enough to be refused and so I gave up. Was that him asking for another invite?? I'm wondering now if I should invite him again?

Reading your thoughts, and many others, putting that together with what he said about not making plans until after Christmas and trying to get him to talk to me about ow, I see that as buying me a few weeks more to get his attention. If I can get the convo going with him, and I think that I MAY be able to, that would put me back on the racing grid, would it not? Once I'm back there, I could have a sporting chance, even if it's a slim one. Better to be in the race than on the subs bench or in the Sin Bin, I suppose.

Thank you again - my tears have stopped and I can feel the PMA starting to creep back in.

Hey, I just noticed that I have been crying again lately - this is good! I was the Barney Rubble of the tears department until very recently ... does feel better to be able to let it out - try as I might before, I could not. All cried out? Ha! Annie Lennox, eat your heart out!