Question

[awest1217]

I went to my class reunion with just S. It was ok. I didn't really get to talk to anyone and honestly the people who were there I never talked to in high school anyway. The two friends who did come, did not get there until later so I didn't get to talk to them as much as I would like. Also I felt weird talking to people because I had S and H was not there. No one knows anything or even knows we got married, but I think I was just self conscience. I am still glad I went. S had fun. Told step sister that H left, but not to tell anyone.

I am still really, really angry. I don't know why. Tonight while praying I felt like I am angry because that is what is keeping me going. Without the anger, I would feel all of the hurt, and would probably fall apart. However, the anger is not good. I am snapping at S, which then makes me mad at me because he has done nothing wrong. Facebooked a mentor who has been through something similar so looking for some good advice there.

[Lucky11too]

Well, it's good you didn't push H to go with you to the reunion, but I'm sorry you had to go without him. I get self conscience too - I feel like I kind of have that single mother stigma (not sure if that's what you are feeling too). I know I shouldn't feel that way b/c it is so common nowadays, but still, especially being a church girl & not many people know my situation, I feel self conscience. I get so frustrated too b/c I felt like I did everything right (dated, got married, then had a baby) and now I'm still sitting here as a single mother!

I totally understand about the anger issue. Total defense mechanism. For me, I have been trying to work out more, take S on walks, or just to other active things to help combat that (I've read how exercise helps your mood). It's something easy but it seems to help (plus the added bonus of making my body look good!)

Well if you get any good adivce from that mentor, feel free to pass it along!

[awest1217]

I am even more mad now. I just want to tell H off and punch him in his face. S woke up this morning with 102.1 fever. I text H to say I was going to the doctor and asked if he would like to come. No response. Text to say S has another ear infection so would have to go to his normal doctor then probably ear nose and throat and on to tubes. No response. Still it is 3 pm and I have been up really since 6 am with a sick kid and he has not checked in or anything. I AM SO MAD! I am not going to text him like I would like to and say what's your deal. I am just going to ignore him. Ignore him today, not like he would text me anyway. Ignore him tomorrow and the next day and the next because he is the biggest jerk I know. He does not care at all about us, and that bothers me so much. He came back for one reason and that was to stop me from divorcing him because he knows I can ruin his life. Now I am definitely looking to that and possibly soon! (in all reality probably not because I am mad and should never make a decision when mad, but I am done trying).

[Lucky11too]

That is a daily struggle for me too - just being ready to give up b/c he's being such a jerk and not putting me and the most important thing in the world to me, S, first. But especially in your case, I really think you got to hold out (at least a little bit longer). Your H seems to be moving in the right direction (although very slowly), so just stay strong to give those changes a chance to work. But it would be interesting if you did ignore him (or at least don't initiate contact) the next few days and see what happens ("do something different" technique). Give him a chance to ask and worry about S.

I worry too about how long I can be strong for. I want to be strong for as long as it takes for S's sake, but it's just so draining. But hopefully, we can take all take encouragement from each other and keep fighting the good fight!

PS. I hope your son is feeling a litter better tonight.

[awest1217]

S is feeling much better. However today, H text me saying he was sorry for not getting back to me yesterday and that was irresponsible (he normal manipulation), and asked how S was doing and if he needed to stay home with him. NOT HAPPENING! He said he felt bad about not coming with us, but he didn't get up until late and had a fever and cough. I don't care! He went to one of the college games where it was cold and rainy, and he has had a cough and felt sick all last week. I know he didnt dress warm because all of his warm clothes are at our house. Of course he is going to feel worse! Common sense! I swear I am no longer going to be his mother. He has made choices now he can deal with getting no information until I am no longer mad, which who knows when that will be. My mentor said there will be many days of being mad, but to not stay in that place. Pray and she gave me a book to read. I am going to order a few books online and read them hopefully starting this weekend.

[ClingingToHope]

Awest, I was thinking of you yesterday as I passed through Indiana.

Don't get too discouraged. Cold-and-flu season this year is going to be TOUGH. Both of my girls are home with 101 plus temps. W is home too. She was sooooo mad about having to take Friday off. Now she's sick and taking Monday off.

Perhaps you shouldn't even text H about S. He has chosen to leave and supposedly work on things. Perhaps the only text you should send is about the money. "Hey, S sick and had to go to clinic. Co-pays and medicine cost ????, please send me a check for half."

I'll let others chime in as if asking for the money is a good idea. Otherwise, let him be. In my sitch, W does call and text about girls' condition and I respond. But she asked me to leave. I didn't want to go and I want to be as big a part of their lives as possible.

So far, he's choosing not to be so don't give it to him with the updates on S.

I forget, are you a teacher as well? Did you have to call in?

[awest1217]

Yes I am a teacher, but this time luckily I did not have to take off. So far I have taken off twice due to him being sick this year, which does not seem like much but we are on trimesters so it is a lot for me. H never takes off because I am more organized and being at the high school most days it is easier for me to take off because I already have everything ready, plus S likes to be with me when sick and with H not being home or responding to texts or calls I just assume take the day off and leave him out of it.

I am not talking to H for a while because I will just yell at him, which is not good for helping him do better. Although I know ignoring him will not help either, it is the lesser of two evils. I am not going to ask for anything. He chose to leave and I can live without him. I proved that for 5.5 months and I can do it again. I ordered the books one called; Love, Honor, and Forgive, DR because I had borrowed that from the library and can just give it to H, and lastly the book my mentor suggested which I cannot remember right now. They should be to me by Thursday. I really need to get over the anger. My class this summer said that it takes 58 hours to get over angry emotions (get the hormones out of your system) when going unresolved. It does not help that H keeps doing stuff to make me angry again. Hopefully today will be uneventful and so will tomorrow so maybe by Wednesday I feel better. This week is only three days for me at work then a long 4-day weekend.

Anyone have suggestions for cheap things to do with my two year old S. We live in northwestern IN and I would love to do something fun with him over the weekend. I have an extra pay this month so I can afford a little expense and don't mind driving a little ways. THANKS!

[ClingingToHope]

What subjects do you teach?

Your son is too young for haunted houses probably.

Really, 58 hours. I have to remember that the next time I feel like getting mad.

Here's one thing about anger. I took a psychology class in college. Only you can make you angry. No one else can physically reach into your head and trip the angry trigger.

H or your students or coworkers can push your buttons, but only you can go into your head and flip the switch to angry.

It helped me in college. I forgot it too much in my M.

[Lucky11too]

Quick post. As for something to do with S, do you have any local zoos? (sorry, I am not very familiar with your area). Our local ones are also doing little things for Halloween. I took S a couple of weeks ago to ours and it was really fun. They also had a little carusel and train ride. He absolutely loves animals! =)

[awest1217]

Zoo sounds great, but it is too cold around here for that, or at least with us it seems it is too cold and rainy over the weekends. Any other suggestions?

H and I talked today and I said how I was mad and how I didn't know if I would be able to get over it. H started by saying he was sorry for being irresponsible and not even checking in. Good start, but come on he isn't 18. Talked about our weekends and he said he just sat around and slept. I guess what makes me most mad is on numerous occasions he said that if OW needs him he will be there in a heartbeat and he would "do that for any of his friends", but whenever i call because S is sick or I need help, he is "sick" or "didn't get the text or call" or "phone was not near the me". He says he won't tell OW to not text him because she needs him, but what about me? Oh well. Tonight he said if I came up with something he would like to go out of town. I don't know. I want to go out of town, but I am not sure about a "family vacation". I guess i will see what he is thinking and go from there. Feeling a little better now on to sleep.