UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Sanderika]

Nell,

I see problems in the sitch with the OW from your words in the previous post. Honest.

He may think he loves her. She comes with baggage and mark my words is controlling and demanding and insecure. She is looking for a meal ticket in your H.

I would bet money that this is beginning to wear thin with your H. Your H is questioning his rash choice. He is testing the water by coming around to see you. Give him the unexpected. If he receives what he dislikes he will not give it second thought to return.

If you treat H right you will gain tons of knowledge about his feelings and current state of mind. If you want this information you can get it if you show H you can be trusted and that you are compassionate and sympathetic to him.

Do not be afraid of what you hear. He is in a MLC. Remember your own advice to Lost Rabbit back at the beginning of her sitch: "believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see". These words are so true it is scary.

When H and I talk of the OW I say "she or her" I never use her name, to me she isn't human and doesn't deserve the respect of a name. Behind the scenes and to everyone else OW is "White Trash B*tch".

Don't be hard on yourself. We have all done what you are. We also all have second guessed our H thoughts, wants and current state of mind regarding the sitch. You won't be able to stop this behavior as long as you are involved in this. Use it wisely instead.


You do get to a place where your behaviors and choices are better for the sitch than when it all started. It is from knowledge and experience and they are valuable tools in dealing with the MLC H.


You have heard the line: "Fake it til you make it" It applies here. This is what we do. You have to learn to bury your pain. You have to learn to bury your rage. You have to learn to bury your unhappiness and misery. You have to learn to bury your depression.

You have to learn to show H the sweet, loving, wonderful, irresistable Nell.

Trust me when I tell you, If I could turn myself around you can. If I can regain a relationship with my H, you can. I have a ways to go here....this will be a work in progress for a long time. It can be done. I truly believe you have reason for hope after reading your post. I would not tell you only what you want to hear. My dear, the work has to be yours.

I am headed off to bed, I will check in with you tomorrow.

Have a good day, keep the PMA going, you have to.....

(((((Hugs)))))

Sanderika