UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Sanderika]

(((((Nell)))))

I don't really see all that much bad in your day!!!!!!

Since you gave me a lot too digest, this is a bit for now....

I see the relationship talk as bad. Your not supposee to have them, remember!!!! It's way too early to get all nitty-gritty with your H. The context was not all that bad. H told you what he thought was honest. It's not bad, it gives you a place to work from. Knowledge is power.

The positives are as long as H has feelings for you and cares about the home you have lots to build on. Lots, girlfriend. Do you hear me. This is not hopeless.

H has feelings for you, love is hard to deny and leave. His brain can be changed with consistent behavior and time.

He misses the home (the home is you, the kitties, warm and comfortable.....home) The house is a building requiring work and effort and burdens. Make the house free of burdens and bring back the home.....Do I make sense. Change the bad to good.

H WANTED to come over not to just shovel poop but to see you, the kitties and the home. H WANTS to come again. NEXT TIME you be what we have told you to be. I am telling you this because it works.....You have to be what he wants, you have to lose the Nell he can't handle and live with anymore. You have to understand that if you want him back this is all about him. Forget about your needs and opinions for now. Cater to him. He is needy and he needs compassion and care and gentle treatment. Look at him as lost and alone. He is like a little lost lamb, crying out. Treat him well. You will gain a reward.

Sweetie, bury that rage. I understand that you did not portray the imagine front and center. He knows you so well he could still see it. Bury it!!!! I mean it. You need to change absolutely and completely, for good!!!! Please do this!!!

As far as the OW goes....There are big problems there. He isn't infatuated with that at this time. This is huge. He is at a point where the shine is wearing off, that situation isn't looking so rosy and green. H is back in limbo mode and not feeling all that good about his departure or choice.

Don't be so reluctant to shut and lock the door on his life with the OW. If he wants to talk to you about her, let him. Engage him..... absolutely - YES!!! How do you think she was able to get him away from you. She listened with a sympathetic ear every chance she got and another thing she led him away from you with her words against you. She was there to listen and it worked and he turned to her because she was sympathetic and therefore was able to fill a void he thought was left open by you. If you ever have a talk about her....DO NOT talk bad about her....NEVER. It would be best for you to stay quiet and listen. Any negative comment about her will be a bad thing for you.....he will get angry, trust me!!!! He will realize you are mature and respectful being this way about her and it is a big gold star for you.

This is where you can gain some ground if you play this right. When I say that you have to practice a new behavior until you are the new behavior I mean it. This will be your only chance to turn this around.

This is where my H and I are....he turns to me to chat and converse in a meaningful way. It's great!!!!

If you think about most relationships they start by friendly yet meaningful conversing. Given nurturing they grow into something more.

My day was good, thanks for asking, I spent 6+ hours with H here at home. We had lunch and talked and talked. We got out an old truck and played with it a little, tinkering on the engine. It's all about H. I was going to paint the hall, when he rang it was worth skipping. The day ended good. Could it have been better? Sure. It was a good day. I am happy with that. It was full of surprise too, since I didn't expect to hear from him.

Nell, re-group your thoughts. Don't be pursueing. You called him and thanked him. Leave it alone for a few days. Let's see what H will do next.

I want you to say goodbye and be nice when he leaves. Letting him leave being cold and unkind is not good. That is a last memory he has as he drives away. You don't have to be "ga-ga" but be good to him, kindness goes a long way in someone's thoughts.

(((((Nell)))))

Chin-up, you can do this. Remember time and patience and maintain. DB your butt off. No expectations!!!! Recognize the good and nurture it. Bring the Nell back he fell in love with, you will be irresistable.

Sanderika