Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

Good legal help is a PRECAUTION, so you know your rights and options in your state, and so that you can make sure you're protecting yourself and doing the things you SHOULD be doing, and avoiding the things you SHOULDN'T.

I got the advice. I have the agreement. The W said she'd sign it as is.

No one says you have to -- or even should -- file for divorce.

I'm not going to until I feel there is no more hope or I need to move on.

P, I'm getting concerned that you seem to want to drop your ball and run home at the least sign of resistance or bad news coming from your wife's camp. DBing is not complicated, but it IS hard work, and it requires a LOT of patience, and a LOT of self-discipline.

PDT, you're absolutely right on that score. Everytime there are steps back I throw my toys from the pram, declare it's all over and look to file for D. It's a lack of confidence in what I am doing will make a difference. It's listening to too many people who tell me it's over and move on. It's a worry that I am actually going to make things worse and it's a lack of confidence that my wife actually still wants me in some small way.

Frankly, I'm seeing neither from you, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and wonder if maybe these are some traits that your wife has had complaints about in your marriage, as well?

You're probably right. Patience I have in abundance when I know things are going along the right road. I get too distracted and dissuaded far far too easily and when that happens, the end of the world is nigh and I give up.

Self-discipline has always been an issue for me. I have bouts of it where I am as solid as a rock and focused. I then have times when I am disorganised and change my mind every 5 minutes.

I'd say the self-discipline, as it affect a huge area of your life, did affect my M.

I'm still listening to my W far too much but I have at least stopped analysing as much as I do. I dismiss most of what she says out of hand, including the 'I want a quick D' statement. Fortunately, that ball is firmly in my court and only when I'm convinced there is nothing more I can do to get my W back will I file. This is only if I get the separation agreement signed as is.

My plan is to wait it out until the OM leaves and try from there. In the meantime the contact with my daughter which I agreed to provides her with her step-mum again and, if she can be believed about anything, a committed step-mum. It also provides me with an opportunity to build up a relationship with my W.

We both agreed last night that we needed to build up the amount of time we spend together from a few hours to a full day and we need to build trust up again. That, for me, was the kind of talk people have with they are trying to R their M. I'm just accepting it for what it was though and not reading too much into it.