Is this the end of my marriage?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Comments?

Yes: I think you're doing the right thing.

Get GOOD legal help.

Quick response as I'm heading out the door.

Is this it then .. the end?

Heavens no! My, you're SO dramatic all the time!

Go back and read our previous posts to you!

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Good legal help is a PRECAUTION, so you know your rights and options in your state, and so that you can make sure you're protecting yourself and doing the things you SHOULD be doing, and avoiding the things you SHOULDN'T.

No one says you have to -- or even should -- file for divorce.

But your situation contains some very specific custody issues, and you may need to assert those rights (she's your daughter, but only WW's step-daughter) or at least have the credible THREAT of being able to assert them.

P, I'm getting concerned that you seem to want to drop your ball and run home at the least sign of resistance or bad news coming from your wife's camp. DBing is not complicated, but it IS hard work, and it requires a LOT of patience, and a LOT of self-discipline.

Frankly, I'm seeing neither from you, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and wonder if maybe these are some traits that your wife has had complaints about in your marriage, as well?

Puppy

[Arwen_in_NJ]

Is this it then .. the end?

P-
You STILL don't get it. Only YOU can know when it is the end for YOU. YOU get to decide when you are done standing for your marriage, when it is time for you to give it up and move on.

My W and I have been separated basically since July, but she moved into her own apt. last weekend with her OW. A lot of people would say it is time to move on.

But I am NOT ready to say there is no hope left. We had a 16 year R that I think was wonderful and special. I have no control over what my W is doing. I believe my W is in the middle of a MLC crisis that will pass, and her current R will not last. In the meantime I will live my own life and make myself into the best person I can be. Some day I may decide I have had enough, but that day is not this day.

Someone on this board once wrote : "are you willing to give up 2 or 3 years of your life to reach that 50th wedding anniversary?" For me, the answer is yes. Only you can answer for you.

[Arwen_in_NJ]

P, I'm getting concerned that you seem to want to drop your ball and run home at the least sign of resistance or bad news coming from your wife's camp. DBing is not complicated, but it IS hard work, and it requires a LOT of patience, and a LOT of self-discipline.

Frankly, I'm seeing neither from you, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and wonder if maybe these are some traits that your wife has had complaints about in your marriage, as well?

Puppy

Pup-
THANK YOU. I was getting ready to pick up the 2x4.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Someone on this board once wrote : "are you willing to give up 2 or 3 years of your life to reach that 50th wedding anniversary?" For me, the answer is yes. Only you can answer for you.

Arwen, I LOVE that. I just sent it to my wife.

Puppy

[Arwen_in_NJ]

Wish I could take credit for it, but it was not mine. Mach1 maybe.

Another favorite of mine is:

"One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.
One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life."
- Chinese Proverb

You listening, P17? ;-)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yeah, well, there's an old POLISH proverb, which says:

A truly wise man,
Never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

and,

Though the hippopotamus has no stinger on his tail, the wise man would rather be sat on by a bee.

- Banacek, circa 1972

[Arwen_in_NJ]

LOL!!!

[P17]

My wife came around tonight and we talked.

For the first in a while I think I am back on track.

I don't want to have yet another huge post so I'll be quick.

Meeting was strained. I didn't listen to her and I talked almost for 2 hours. Wasn't a great meeting where the listening was concerned but I had to get this stuff out that was bothering me. Kind of gave her both barrels. Again, may not be great but I had to say it. Got very little response.

Long and short of it is that contact will stay as it was before. My W got very upset about losing contact and though I had to push her to fight for it, she did in the end.

The OM will never be part of my D's life or any other OM that my W meets as my D doesn't need three sets of parents. She agreed to this.

The best news, for me, is that my W has still agreed to the separation agreement where we both just keep what we have. When she said that, I knew I still had a chance to work on my M. If she does stick to this (and it's twice now she has said that) then I will no longer need to file for D under grounds of adultery and have at least two years from separation to sort this. She actually said she would sign it tonight but I told her she needed legal advice.

My W did say that she wanted a quick D and I told her how we do that. However she can't file for adultery, only I can.

I told her a few things I shouldn't have such as OM having second thoughts (which she didn't know about from her reaction) and that it won't work out. Daft I know but I was on a roll and not thinking.

One thing she did say, which was actually nice, through tears was when I said I had fought for my D for 7 years and she said no, WE have fought for her. That actually touched me.

Anyway, it's done now. We agreed to try and get the trust built up and then build up the time we spend together from a few hours to afternoons to days. We'll just see how things go. I suppose this is good news at least.

So a mixed evening but hopefully one that will allow me to help recover my M.

I am not taking anything she says for granted until the actions match it. I'm just reporting on it here.

[P17]

Someone on this board once wrote : "are you willing to give up 2 or 3 years of your life to reach that 50th wedding anniversary?" For me, the answer is yes. Only you can answer for you.

For me the answer is most definitely yes. Two years until we can divorce if I don't file early so I can easily wait that long.

I believe the R with the OM will die in the next 6 months or so. I hope I am right. In the meantime I will TRY and get on with my life.