I completely understand what everyone is saying now. Just journaling for myself again.
I got a call this morning I didn't pick up. I then texted her around 2 if she had called me. She said that my son dailed my number by accident.(yeah right)
I just got a phone call from her. It was from my FIL house. I let it ring to go to voicemail first. And got another call right afterwards. I thought it was really my FIL calling sadly it was just the wife.
M:Hello
W:Hey what are you doing tonight? (very calm voice now)
M:I'm going out why?
W:Your going out?(in a tone like huh? Really?) Well I was wondering if you could watch the kids tonight so I can go to the baby shower if you weren't doing anything.
M: Um why can't you bring the kids with you? I'm sure your friends are going to want to play with our kids there?
W:Because I won't be able to enjoy myself.
M:I'm sorry I have plans already
W:Ok...fine bye (sounded very dissapointed)
I think its starting to sink in to her. I feel like I have the power now. It feels really good to have the upper hand. I'm just going to tone things down a bit and like what everyone has said to not point things out to her. That is my goal this week till my next IC. I'm also going to be a lot more calm and not have my emotions take over me when talking and texting her this week. It hasn't turned fully around yet but I feel like I'm making really good progress.
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
If she was at her parents home, I'm sure she could have asked them to watch the kids.
She liked having you where you were originally, now you're "acting as if" and appearing to move on, the power dynamic shifts, the idea isn't that you have all the power, its that she doesn't have that power or control over you, you've taken control of yourself back and she is starting to see that.
Good job thus far, you're keeping the dialog civil as well and notice she didn't use foul language or talk down to you, continue doing what you do - she needs to learn to respect you because she can start to see that you respect yourself enough to let her go.
Yeah my w parents are divorced and FIL just recently got married with a very young wife and just had a baby himself. He has told her that he is not willing to watch the kids for her if she is going out. No matter what. Same goes with her aunts. They all are getting tired with her going out all the time. My MIL lives in GA. Even if she was up here she isn't willing to help her with the kids either. So it comes back down to me and since I'm not giving in she has no other sitter unless she hires one which she won't. I'm sure she asked FIL and I know he probably said no.
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
Good stuff. I'm very proud of you. She'll figure things out if only you don't do it for her. And you have to make sure you are with your kids when you have them. Don't go out and party. Be a good Daddy and really spend that time with them, that way your kids know who the priority is when they are with you. If there's some big event, like a wedding that's understandable that you get someone to watch them. But otherwise, be with them.
And I have taken my kid to plenty of baby showers.
yup stronger I have been and she knows it too. That when I have the kids I'm with them all the time. Yes and before we have taken our son to a lot of baby showers also. So her excuse is kind of lame.
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
Well I get tons and tons of phone calls today from the w. After like the 10th call I decided to pick up. She is screaming in the phone that she is dropping the kids of no matter what. I calmly go through the same routine again. Telling her its her responsibility to take care of them when we had agreed upon. She just screaming and screaming in the phone about how she only needs a couple of hours away from them. I told her you can not drop them off when ever its convenient for you. She starts to talk about money again. I did take a jab at her saying,"So you have money to go to Vegas but not for our kids?" She starts to scream and scream. Threats again with the same child support and full custody. I was very calm didn't scream back, didn't point out like before that we needed each other. Just kept saying no I'm busy today. She gets mad and tells me she hopes I f**ken die n go to hell u son of a bich.
Man it was tempting to start yelling back at her. It maybe this hang over I have but I just couldn't get into it with again. Tired of the same argument. I hope she understands we need each other.
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
you know you are allowed to hang up on her, when she starts swearing, just hang up.
"I'll take them when it's my turn to take them, this is your turn now, deal with it. You wanted to separate & divorce, fine I do too. I can handle having my kids when I have them, apparently you can't. Too bad, you better get used to this, it's going to be like this for the rest of your life if you want joint custody otherwise I'll take full custody. Stop complaining about having the kids and needing time off, I'll use all these complaints that you're making against you in court, you really sound like an unfit mother. Why don't you ask your family or "boyfriend" to watch them. Stop calling me on this issue - it's bordering on abusive, drop them off (the date when she is supposed to drop them off) and I guarantee you that I want be calling you to watch them for me. GOOD BYE!"
"-click-"
Hang up the phone.
You have to get it across to her that when she calls you like this it's abusive & violent and let her know that you have to start considering the children's safety that she is trying to get away from her kids so regularly, tell her to stop complaining about being a parent and to deal with her responsibility and stop trying to pawn the kids off on you or your family. If her own family won't help her with the kids, why should yours. This is her reality, she needs to get used to it.
Sum, I have been following along with your thread since the begining, and I think now you need to get out of this situation with your dignity and your sanity. If this marriage is going to get reconcilled it is going to need alot of time apart. the communications you are having with her do not seem to be helping your situation. In fact since I was last posted to you it seems to have gotten worst.
your wife screams and swears and threathens you way too much. I get the impression she hates you to the core. maybe for your previous actions maybe because of her current actions, probably doesnt matter. however, this statement, "Man it was tempting to start yelling back at her," sounds like you are almost to the point of having too much. The worse thing her is allowing her to push you to your limit which it does seem like she is trying to get you to do. (for financial or custody reasons possibly).
good luck, but distance yourself before she breaks you with her screaming, swearing and threats, sir.
