My DH and I have been married for 23 years. For most of our marriage he was the LD spouse. I begged, pleaded for him to get help. Well, he finally did and it turns out his Testosterine was extremely low.
In his mind, he is doing everything he should be doing to help our marriage. While I am grateful that he has taken this step, it still doesn't help me get over the hurt and feelings of low self esteem that I've carried with me now for most of our marriage.
My desire was probably way above average, now that I am on AD, that has dropped dramatically. To be fair, we were never a couple who went months w/out sex...maybe six weeks?? I don't really remember. I just remember him rarely approaching me, and when I approached him, at times (a lot of times) he would reject me. I once read here, that you are in a sense being rejected twice. The funny thing is, that our love making was always satisfying...I mean I think we would both agree that it was good (at least up until I started on the AD)
I am in counseling, but he, so far, has refused to go. Going through this has brought up insecurities I've had regarding his past. He is three years older than me, and I'm certain he had more sexual partners that me. I always wondered if that was part of the problem?? Was I not good enough.Do I measure up to these other women? He says I think too much and he doesn't think enough...so true!!
For the most part, our marriage has been good. We have a lot of fun together (both have a crazy sense of humor) and share a lot of the same values. I will add that another dimension to our marital problems is his binge drinking...he has curbed this in the past six months. He has held the same job for over 20 years and is a very kind and loving father.
When I try to talk to him about the hurt he just gets defensive or clams up. I don't know what to do anymore. Oh, something else. I have a chronic illness and am on disability (this has just happened the past five years, so probably doesn't have a whole lot of bearing on our ongoing problem).
