I have been divorced since late 1994. I came to the board for a later relationship in 2001...and have stuck around ever since. So--I'm glad you're here (not for your trouble, but I think it IS a good place to help you). There are more people here in similar situations than you think. Many just cannot admit it and don't describe it the same way.
So I was married 10 years and it was abusive, and it took me a long time to admit it. And when I did and divorced....it didn't 'ring true' to some of my friends because I didn't talk about it with them. I wasn't getting beaten up all the time and the cops didn't come to the house.
What I have learned with DB and your counselor may see differently and so may not be as helpful (I haven't read all of your posts but your situation touched me and I wanted to post to you)...is that it takes ACTION to change. Not words. Not discussions.
Your H CAN change, but only if he wants to. And he isn't likely to want to until YOU change. You change the way you interact with him. He MUST respond differently, favorably or not.
And you DO need an escape plan. Don't ever think you don't. Hopefully you'll never need to use it, but be ready.
DB coaching is really very good. I recommend Laurie and Dotty because of seen a lot of their posts and a lot of the feedback on them. If I were calling, I'd ask for one of them.
I wish you peace. I wish you love. And I wish you joy. Lots of it.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
