Long Journey .......... advice please

[Sanderika]

(((((Cas)))))

I just got caught up over the past few days.....

My thoughts would be....not to initiate your proposal in writing, go to the solicitor instead. In my sitch everytime H has tried to engage me direct without legal representation I have refused. I have retained a lawyer for over a year now. It is expensive, this way I don't deal with H direct about the stuff that is going to cause us to fight. My H knows I will not go against him alone.

As far as your H......I think he is being pushed by someone to end the marriage. I don't see your H as really wanting a D just like mine. I see the OW as still being in the picture and the driver of the car. When OW pushes, H resists until he can't take it any longer and then he contacts you. This way he has pacified her and albeit hurtful to you he has done something. My H once said "right or wrong, I did something" in reference to filing for a D against me a year ago. Look at me, we are still not pursueing a D and we chat and have maintained contact, enjoyable contact, behind her back. Status quo......it's been like this for a while. I know it can't continue forever, what it has done though is strengthen our friendship.

I would do nothing. I would hire a solicitor and then do nothing. If he wants it, let him do the work.....maintain that.
After that you can wait and see, the true answers will reveal themselves over time.

Cas, don't stop your DB for a second. If you feel comfortable with sending H a happy b-d text or card or call.....do it. A friend would. You be his friend.

Your H is a torn man.....His nice demeanor to you tells you lots. He wants to be nice and see you and talk to you, he feels he can't. It's a MLC life in the fog. He is getting pressure from the other side. The pressure is tormenting him. He can't escape it, he has to do something.......

Go back to NC, be upbeat and friendly when he initiates. Don't ignore any of his initiating, be there when he reaches out.

I go back in thought to the day he showed up with the envelope. I have to wonder what was on his mind. I still think perhaps he was having a spell where he was checking in and testing the waters. Unfortunately for us the tug of the OW is very strong.
Again, he is a torn man. He is not near the end of the MLC.

Cas, I will check back later.....I have to run out for an errand with son. (((((Hugs))))) to you.....Don't give up yet.

Sanderika