I started reading the chapter in DR about Dealing with a Depressed Spouse. So far, there are a lot of depression factors present - W's grandmother was bipolar and on anti-dep's for decades (we often talked about her g'mother's problems), early menopause, financial loss (I owned my own business until late 2008/early 2009 that caused us to accrue debt) from which we WILL recover, possible MLC, job loss for W and, of course, the break up of our M. And, as Coach pointed out yesterday, W's statement that "anything and everything" over the "last few years" caused W's "love" for me to die - pretty clear example of pessimistic thinking ("Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman will help you understand the effects of negative pervasive thinking).
Coach suggested yesterday that I have W get a full physical and see an IC. While I agree with those suggestions, the problem is in implementing them. I cannot make her do these things. I can ask/suggest, but that might come across as being needy, or accusatory - YOU have a problem. With a WAS, pretty clear where that would go.
On the IC part, in her mind, she has been to a IC - the 6 months prior to droppng the bomb she was referred by our church (thanks guys) to a "clergy based" IC who specialized in "anxiety, depression and personality disorders" - NOT MC. This IC gave W the green light to D. Now, I think W went to that IC with her mind made up that she was leaving the M no matter what. So, while W has been to IC, it was not for anything to save our M.
I do not doubt depression is at play. But, on the outside, my W is very outgoing, very confident, almost in an overcompensating manner. I don't recall her ever opening up to me to show me her vulnarable side or discussing her weaknesses.
So, how do I persuade/convince W to get a physical and to see an IC?
