After 30 Years!

[Lost Rabbit]

Well that was an interesting evening, didnt start too well, he arrived whilst I was showering an getting ready, no kiss hello said he run off and check his emails, so once ready he was still checking but no rush so I quickly returned my friends voicemail call and chatted with her, H came into the kitchen and said "mmm" at what I was wearing, some new jeans and the cute green and cream tunic I wore to the party a few weeks back, came off the phone and said "sorry I was a bit long, friend was excited about her lesson and also I thought better to ring her now than her ring me later whilst out"

Then his bomb, "oh btw Im not stopping tomorrow morning B rang me to say he was desparate for someone to fire, and I said I'd do it" "But you were spending time with me" I replied "well its a non date isnt it" So I replied "well in that case I'll go on my own" Teddy Boy suddenly appeared and said "oh in that case s*d you" So I continued putting my cardi on and getting my stuff together and then said "right are you coming" muttter mutter from Teddy boy about "thought you were going on your own" but I just ignored him completely. In the car conversation was stilted and actually I was thinking "s*d this" but I gradually nursemaided the conversation back to sensible land, but pointed out if he gets stitched up again by B he could say no and if he couldnt perhaps he could let me know so I dont miss out on things.

Onto dinner, restaurant hadnt really got going so we got shown to a seat a bit too quickly but we chatted and laughed, some how we got round to R talk, not deep R talk but me saying how I just didnt want to be a weekend bit of stuff and that I was fighting with how I felt and what I wanted to do and my need for him respecting me, he offered to sleep in the spare room if it help and pointed out he was going early anyway so it wouldnt be fair to wake me up. I also mentioned that he seemed to have his fun and then not speak to me until I put myself in his path (msn) again. My phone signal is dire he said so not easy to phone you, and I was on msn every night this week, (I didnt on purpose) and I only have two people on that email addy, you and S anyone else I chat too on facebook, so if Im on there its because I want to talk to you! But it would be nice if you txt me more, yes I could txt more he replied.

He also said I wasnt just gonna be a weekend date as he had two weekends coming up when he was busy he really wanted to try and meetup with me during the week, the first weekend its a photography outing with his course and the second weekend he said he was getting an induction onto the railway that is local to him. Cant have been very good at hiding my disappointment that again he was building a life down there. So he asked whats wrong, praying whilst replying I said "no the photography sounds great! What are you photographing?" So he told me about that and sounded interested and looking forward to it. Then I chipped in that I didnt want to date someone who was constantly planning, no building a life in another county. I felt comforted by his reply, "well you know the photo course is only this year, (ten week course) and the railway well lots of people join and do odd weeks during the year, its more relaxed than the G so I could do some known again, Im not planning/building a life down there just joining in with other things and its only two and half hours from the G, I noted he didnt say home, but he was really trying to point out it wasnt a permanant all the time thing!

We also talked about his theory on dating that he would get to see who he fell in love with and who he had what it was he loved for twenty three years (funny he said he didnt love me for nine of them before he left) I did say that god forbid that awful seventeen year old he loved was still there, I hoped not much preferred the forty something model. But I did worry he was looking for something that wasnt there!

So we said we'd go home and I pointed out I hadnt had a kiss yet, to which he said he didnt like to be too forward, be as forward as you like I can always tell you stop I laughed, on the way home I kept teasing him about how I needed a kiss and then laughed about the layby's and how he could pull over and kiss me, we giggled about two or three as we passed them and then finally with little notice he pulled into the last one and kissed me! home we came, and he checked mails again (saying he'd come over and give me his full attention when he had done that) I watched a bit of telly a new comedy show so was laughing my head off till it finished. Went over and sat on his lap and chatted non chat, then decided that I would offer him a nice massage, afterwards in bed I was quite thoughtful and he asked me what was wrong and I said "oh just me and my expectations getting in a knot" his reply "just give it time" but it sounded really genuine not a put off, so in a bid to rescue the situation and not look grumpy I started a pillow fight, which we had a great giggle especially when the cat lost the plot and started hurtling around with the wind up her tail and trying to bite our feet, a little game she has played with H since she was a kitten, sorta peekabo feet which often goes a bit ouchily wrong lol! Laughing I thought I'd push it a bit so held the pillows hostage saying I needed to hear three little words to get them back, NO TOYS OUTTA PRAM, shock horror, he quietly started saying "I love" and then with a big grin on his face he ended "this bed" so he got beaten with the pillow again as we fell about laughing. But even though he was joking it was said genuinely and I felt that maybe it wouldnt be too long he could use the three little words I really wanted (smacks herself upside of head for too much expectation). We cuddled and fell asleep and now he is gone again!

So perhaps this week I am going to be open about contacting him, not pursuing just more available on msn, and the odd txt to say hi and ask about his day? and see how that goes! If I was on mind reading duty which Im not, he has about six weeks on his lease and he's already mentioned Xmas wonder what else he's thinking lol!

Sorry its been a bit long just journalling as well as reporting in! Off to see how you all are.