Let me see if I've got this right, blackrook. The list your W gave you when she told you she wanted a D was a list based on the idea that she didn't want to get back together. She's not on the same page as you are, right now, about wanting to get back together. Have I read your situation correctly?
If I have, I can definitely see why you'd be very confused. You have information from her about what you need to do when the goal is divorce. You don't have information from her about what you need to do for her to feel your apology and desire to make things better is sincere. You're having to speculate, guess, rely on what others think. (A terrific recipe for confusion!)
My favorite approach for dealing with confusion is direct, clear communication. Apologize and ask her what would make it better. She may need time to think about what would make it better, if she's even willing to do that. Give her time to figure it out if she is willing. If she does give you clear communication of what will make it better, then do it. And that is pretty much where your control over the situation ends. Forgiveness, not wanting to hurt anymore and wanting to heal, not holding it over you...that is stuff she is in charge of.
Alternatively, if the direct communication route just isn't an option right now...court your W. Act as if your wife is a woman you've just seen across a room and can't keep your thoughts off of. What would you do to get that woman in your life? Chances are hugging, kissing, etc. wouldn't be your first approach, right?
