Hello. Thank you for thinking of me, I too have been thinking of you and just recently reading posts.
Don't know if good or bad but H is still here and D papers in progress, albeit slow. I'm doing my best to GAL, trying not to talk R and not to become a doormat. Trying to work towards acceptance.
The D paperwork slowed down when I told H I would not sign anymore paperwork unless he made sure I would be able to keep my job (we were hired as a twosome) and my home. H did not like the thought and huffed and puffed but has not yet spoke with our employer or given notice. It's been almost a month and papers still unsigned. H gave a leave date of Oct. 23rd after he announced for the umpteenth time these past few months that he was leaving, things had gone too far, he needed a change, no passion, etc. However, H only announced to me and had told no one else. Within the next 24 hours we got a call his brother from Florida was coming for a long weekend to celebrate their mother's 80th birthday, on none other than Oct. 23rd. H was angry and felt everyone was out to rob him of his happiness. Of course, never once did H ever say he would not be leaving and today is Oct. 23rd and he and his brother are over visiting their mother. It hurts, and is confusing.
My next horror is my dad, he had a very intense surgery and had suffered trauma preceding for a couple of years due to our horrible health insurance system. I have no choice but I am going to have to fly and visit him/help him next week.
And, our job is at the height of work overload and high stress demands.
Last but not least, H's sister told me today, H had mentioned to their mother we were having problems. My sister-in-law knows pretty much what is happening and frankly feels sorry for me because of the way her brother is behaving. She told me her mother was concerned and wondered if she knew anything. She downplayed it as it was their mother's upcoming birthday, visit with family and she is in assisted living. This is the first of anything my H has said to his family and he picks his frail mom. His sister is pissed and we both figured he was taking the wimpy way out by telling her and neither she nor I would confront him.
Anyway, we were given as a gift concert tickets for November 15th and H's face just fell. That led me to believe H has another departure date soon and is again not being honest.
H is really in a stage of feeling sorry for himself and he has felt he has stuck around too long after bomb, but he was just trying to help my transition, to help me with work, etc. I've been pretty good at ignoring that behavior.
I am taking adult ed classes and trying to shape my future, slowly, but I know this is the only thing in my life where I have control. His behavior is immature but he feels he is so smart.
So am kind of all over the place, detatching, denying, accepting, GALing, and trying not to be a doormat.
I would appreciate hearing about you and again your advice is always most welcome. I am running out of gas, laughing a lot so I don't cry and frankly the stress has caused some behaviors I don't particularly care for to rear their head. Trying to makde grass greener is something I have no ability to do anymore. H just always thinks when I am out I am meeting other men, how silly.
Anyway that is the long of it and again thanks for checking in on me.
Take care, Michele M 42 H 41 M 16 yrs. Together 23 yrs. Bomb 5/16/09 D papers in progress To Stand or not to Stand
