Quote: Because of a sex starved marriage among other things. My W has decided she wants a divorce. She announced this to me on 8-15-03 when I lost my job.
She often questions her looks and is depressed. She has said mean things to me in the past before her announcement. Of course, she has pulled/pushed away from me and built walls to secure her heart and feelings. Or marriage got this way because of my anger towards her for certain poor financial decisions she has made.
My question to you guys is this. Do you have any suggestions I can use to get my wife to reconsider her decision? I’ve read DB & DR a couple times now. I’m working on my 180 changes and I think/know she has noticed the changes. The kids have.
Any help would be appreciated.
I too am a member of an asexual, SSM, so can relate on that level. I have been the avoidant, passive-aggressive member for many years, but am now committed to changing those patterns.
What has happened since her announcement in mid-August? It sound like you're working hard on changing your patterns--only positives will come from that. I'm concerned that you're taking all the responsibility for the current state of marital affairs. Take ownership of your poor use of anger, and choice of words, but not for the entire state of the marriage. It's probably more complicated than simply your anger problems.
I can understand your fear, but you will have to manage it and stay focused on the present. Fear makes us want to cling to our spouses, and lose our center. Stay focused on self-care, maintaining connection to your wife to the extent that she will allow, yet still prepare for/don't be in denial about a possible divorce scenario. Other members on the forum who have been through a divorce can be more helpful than me on legal and practical matters, as my situation is a wife who's been "dark" for two months.
Concerned_Listener
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
