"your wife knew you were still longing for her so you pumped up her ego and at the same time she felt bad for you, thinking in her head "he's a good guy, I just don't feel like that about him anymore because of alot of things"
Rob, this is spot on. In fact she may have even said this last night. You can pull out the 1 x 2's, just not too hard.
I already told you what to do, never mind 1x2's, 2x4's, 2x6's or 2x10's, I'm going to hit with a F!@#$%'ing log pretty soon.
Fear of loss.
I'm not telling you to sleep with any women or get romantically involved but you do have to start putting on your poker face and playing the "game".
Go on dates, start dressing well, no more pursuing, start calling condo's & apartments & leaving your name & number so they can call you back, she will no doubt intercept some phone calls that are meant for you & start taking messages. You will no longer bring up the conversation of the relationship or marriage, you will be civil to her but keep it to a limited friendship, nothing over the top, treat her like an acquaintance.
Unless you show you are moving on, unless you show her that she isn't the only woman for you, she will take your presence in her life for granted.
She is no longer attracted to you and you have to generate that attraction again. Attraction on her part isn't a choice but the things you do at your end to flick those switches in her to re-generate that attraction are your choice.
And like i've only said a bazillion times on this site, it's counter-intuitive, it's the opposite of what you think it would be.
You can stand there like a rock and scream from the mountain top that you're going to stand for your marriage and for what's right but that isn't going to get her attracted to you.
Fear of loss, crisis - these are things that prompt people to move to action, to change, to do something so that they don't lose what they have or better yet, get something they don't have.
She has you, you're conquered, she could have you back at any time and she knows it.
You said it yourself, "Rob this is spot on", umm yeah, you're not the first thread I've responded to on this and I went through the same thing myself and I was like you once, I couldn't ever believe that I could do that, date other women, get a REAL life instead of the fake GAL'ing that most people do around her, I changed and became someone I never knew I could be, I became better, I became a person that didn't need my wife and in doing so she realized this and started pursuing me - and I never believed that would ever happen.
What's happening to you isn't fair, but life isn't fair. You want to be equal, go to McDonald's, they'll give you the same big mac, fries & diet coke that they give everyone.
If you want better for yourself, you have to man up and make it happen, nobody is going to give you anything and if you can get that concept into your brain, you know that action on your part requires massive changes and a mindset shift that you currently can't comprehend.
It's not that any of this is impossible, you are totally capable of the changes required, the only thing holding you back is the fact that you have to choose to want to do this for you.
So when are you going to choose to have the life you want to have and when are you going to stop complaining & feeling bad for yourself about the life you currently have?
