Let your kids have a good life with their father and his partner.
That is the thing that I am working towards...sooner rather than later. I know how important it is, and I know that my feelings have to be separate from the situation that the kids are in. I also know that feelings change with time...I can be patient with myself as long as I am taking care of my kids.
Friends, I appreciate all of your feedback. Like I said, it is the resistance between where my head is and where my emotions are. I don't think I am as stuck as I originally thought. Seems that things come to a head for me before I have another "click."
In actuality, I speak very little or not at all with the kids about their time with their father. I don't ask about anything except if they had fun, if they remembered to bring everything they wanted home, etc. S14 doesn't get into too much detail with what they do over there. D10 will tell me of the games she played with the other girls. No complaints of anyone being mean, or anything else. I can be grateful for that.
It is hard to trust two people who betrayed so completely. It is not just the gf at this point (I don't think I fleshed out that realization before). The anger that came up in the co-parenting session was at both of them - in the heat of it, I even said that I felt bad for the kids to be stuck with him for a father. But will either of them cause long-term damage to my kids? I don't think so - I don't think there is enough exposure (I thank God everyday that x didn't go for more custody). And I do think that both of them will bend over backwards to try to have the kids like them - if for no other reason that to make themselves feel better for all that happened. I had worried about x's propensity to blow up in anger at the kids - I had always been the calming influence. We played "tag team" when either of us got frustrated....with him having such little, and concentrated, time with the kids, I think the angry outbursts at the kids has stopped - he seems more careful with them. Maybe with all of this, they will get the best out of him.
So, I am trying really hard to get to that place...I think I am on the way (and have been for many months - things have been coming into focus faster in relation to the slow-down of my journaling).
