Believe me, I never wanted to have to go through with this.
Her behavior is what forced me to proceed. It wasn't due to revenge. I couldn't imagine not having my son around. That would be devastating.
The decisions I am making concerning myself and my son are under the belief she is not coming back. If she overcomes this, that's wonderful. I am willing to forgive.
If she doesn't, well, I would hate see what would happen to her. With basically no family to support her, it could get ugly.
That's the difficult part. She knows that we will always be there. But, I believe her pride will be what will hold her back.
I asked my L for an update. Of course, they are dragging their feet. I was told they would call me back.
The case has already been filed. Its just a matter of waiting for a court date, though. I am very confident in being awarded custody.
I know every MLC situation is different. Unfortunately, mine seems to be quite unique. It seems to me that our son does not interest her at all. She is in her own little world.
The past few weeks have been great, though. I finally found a home. We will be submitting the offer tomorrow. Hopefully, it is accepted.
Remember that MLC has two parts. It is often a mid life party or discovery of one's self to the person at the center. But it is truly a crisis to the others nearest the center, and that can destroy people.
You sound like you're doing a great job and becoming aware of that difference. Her life transition is not something you own, and it will only be a crisis for you to the extent you allow it. Own your happiness instead, and that of your son.
If she ever has the great fortune of finding her way back into this world, and your life as a normal caring person ... cool. That would make her a very lucky person. She will have to make her own luck.
I need some advice concerning dealing with my MLC'er and family.
My mother is having an extremely difficult time with this. One minute its forget about her. Next minute, its you(Drew) have to do something about this.
I have tried to explain to her that this something that my WAS has to deal with on her own.
My mother believes that I need to stop the fall or at least cushion the fall.
My mother is having an extremely difficult time understanding how my WAS has abandoned us, especially our son. She can't understand why the WAS can just walk away. Of course, she my mother does not want me to ever forgive her and never have a relationship with her, but I should help her for the sake of our son.
Maybe you can talk to your mother about how detached and loving might be a healthier way to approach your wife. Your wife is her own person and is entitled to make her own mistakes and learn from them with out anyone else comeing to rescure or fix things. That's the only way for your wife to learn what she has to learn...
Fixing, cushioning or whatever you want to call it isn't really loving behavior, but controlling...if you think about it.
If your wife wants help, she can ask for it and them you can decide to help or not...but until that request is made then fixing things(as if you could) is just getting in the way...
I'd let your mom know that you understand her requests come from a place of love and care for you and your son, but you need to give your wife that same love and care and step aside to let her make the bed she will lie in...
Just some thoughts since I've been reading up on detachment more...
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
