Who is this person?

[Day by Day]

@robx -- I have tried a heart felt apology months ago and he said that he didn't believe it. I've apologized numerous times and he said I didn't need to apologize because it won't work. I still don't know what was so severe that he walked away. He has not given me a concrete answer and just said we grew apart. Then he would say other minor things that didn't make sense and I think he was grasping at straws for an excuse. But when I asked him to please explain what is the reason so I can understand, he just would say it didn't matter.

All I know about driving him away was that I got extremely angry that he was behaving like he was in an affair and I was calling him on it and he didn't care about my feelings. It only escalated my anger that he would keep doing whatever he wanted and wouldn't be "controlled" by me or told what he could or couldn't do. I know that made me extremely UNattractive to keep getting so angry about it and we had a huge blowup and he moved out. So, to me more signs of an affair even though he SWEARS and is extremely offended I don't trust him. Whatever... his behavior doesn't make sense if he isn't in an affair.

@Esox -- I have been getting a life and do feel like a strong attractive woman. I've been having many people tell me so--that feels good. I do deserve much more than what he is giving me. But, I think he is incapable of feeling jealous. I think he is in a EA/PA, but I don't want to know any details. It would be too painful for me. He had told me I deserved better than him, that he is bad at dealing with his emotions, that he is not good as a husband. That he doesn't know how to make me happy.

I did have enough of the NC... I'm ducking now for a possible 2x4. I asked him if he wanted to try again for MC. How would he know after I bailed on him that I'm willing to try again? I made it short and reiterated that I do want us to communicate and become a family again and that I recognize my mistakes and would like to work on correcting things in the future. I don't think the silent treatment works in my sitch. I see us both as cowards at trying to fix our sitch and I have to step up and start carefully guiding us towards reconciliation. I just not used to leading in our R. I don't know if he will reply, but I at least tried.