"- You're right I am avoiding you, I really don't want to be around you anymore, I'm tired of you: you're immature, boring & unattractive and I need less of that in my life. Another thing, please don't speak for me, I want my kids, I'm their father, we arranged & you agreed to have them 1 week each, this is your week, deal with it. Next week when I have them I will deal with it and I won't be bothering you for help trust me. As for money, you have money, you're saving up for a trip to vegas and you're buying a gift for a baby shower - don't bother me about money - if you can do those things, you can take care of the kids. You shouldn't of had kids if you didn't want to be a parent. Not my problem, I enjoy being a parent.
Tell the kids daddy loves them and can't wait to see them next week.
Thank you!"
- and that's it.
Isn't that kind of harsh? I already know what kind of reaction I'm going to get out of that. Are you sure?
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
"- You're right I am avoiding you, I really don't want to be around you anymore, I'm tired of you: you're immature, boring & unattractive and I need less of that in my life. Another thing, please don't speak for me, I want my kids, I'm their father, we arranged & you agreed to have them 1 week each, this is your week, deal with it. Next week when I have them I will deal with it and I won't be bothering you for help trust me. As for money, you have money, you're saving up for a trip to vegas and you're buying a gift for a baby shower - don't bother me about money - if you can do those things, you can take care of the kids. You shouldn't of had kids if you didn't want to be a parent. Not my problem, I enjoy being a parent.
Tell the kids daddy loves them and can't wait to see them next week.
Thank you!"
- and that's it.
Isn't that kind of harsh? I already know what kind of reaction I'm going to get out of that. Are you sure?
Harsh?!
Are you $hitting me?
She is harsh to you.
Hello, am I reading what you're posting?!
It's ok to stand up for yourself, in fact it's a requirement.
Being civil is fine but sometimes you have to add a little something to it.
She doesn't have any issue sticking it to you, because she knows she can, she steps over that boundary regularly and you let her.
If she invests that kind of emotion into you, it probably means there is a part of her that is still emotionally attached to you.
I would be worried if she replied to you with apathy, no feeling at all, completely indifferent. She doesn't do that, she likes to stick it to you, she likes to tell you what your place is, what you should be doing, etc. And she likes to rub your face in what she is doing, "I have a life, I'm going here, I'm doing this, I need more time for my great life, blah, blah, blah"
She got angry. Which like you said is a good thing. I did revise what you wrote though.
M:I have been busy preparing for my tests for tomorrow. What did we have agreed upon? Another thing, please don't speak for me, I want my kids, I'm their father, we had arranged and you agreed upon it deal with it. As for money, u have money, u can go to a trip to vegas, if you can do those things, you can take care of the kids on your week and not bother me about money. you shouldn't of had kids if you didn't want to be a parent. Not my problem I enjoy being a parent.
Tell the kids daddy loves them and can't wait to see them and spend time with them when your gone.
Thank you!
w:omg fuc*en god watever i was saying that to give me money if they're wid me full time cuz obviously u don't even want them otherwise u wouldn't have been a bitch bout me droppin them off to u this wkend but u r. Thats y. N all I wanted to know is if ur gonna take them when I'm gone. I didn't give u [censored] bout going to chicago so y u giving me [censored] bout vegas
M:look you wanted the kids till you go on vacation. That is what you wanted. Then you deal with them until you go to Vegas.
w:Well yeah duh okay fine I'm gonna drop them off to u next sunday
M:I'm giving u [censored] about vegas is because u have other priority's
w:omg pls bitch ass went to fu*ken chicago I didn't f**ken say sh*t. Oh so u can go but I can't dude ur jus fu**en jealous
I figured to stop after that. That's enough for tonight. So she is still mad and angry which is a good thing right?
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
Sometimes I just don't get her. She will be angry and then she will throw me off like this next text.
W:omg she is walking more and more!
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
As per that last text if it's what i think it is, you can reply back, "omg that's awesome, how many steps is she taking? Does she get angry when she falls or cries or does she get back up? I love hearing this stuff"
- I think that would be cool, it's not pursuing, you're commenting on your kid and that is fine, no mushy talk about each other though, keep it real "homie" ;-)
yup my little girl. I just replied "that's great so proud of her" I just wanted to keep it short and simple. Seems like the distance and not contacting her is drawing her closer. I don't text her anymore she texts me now.
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
Just write all of your messages to her with the thought a judge and jury are going to read them. Be strong and mature and fair. This is what she agreed to so make her stick to it and yes, you owe her not ONE penny. Rob is right on the money here with his advice to you.
She can't do this without you and you don't need to point it out. It will only make her more determined to do exactly that.
She can't do this without you and you don't need to point it out. It will only make her more determined to do exactly that.
I know its just hard to resist bringing it up to her. The other thing is if she is really done with me why is she comparing my trip with hers? It doesn't make sense to me at all. I mean wouldn't she not care at all and just blow me off? I don't know that part makes me think she is still attached to me. Well going to go see my IC tonight after work. I haven't talked with him for 2 weeks. I think I'm doing ok and a lot has happened in the past 2 weeks. Some good and some bad.
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
I have to agree with some of the other posts. You have to stop pointing things out to her. Think of her like a rebellious teenager. Whatever you say she is going to do the opposite, she has to come to conclusions on her own. You are not going to be able to hammer this into her brain, and worse, you are going to make it take longer for her to "get it". Just step back and let natural consequences fall.
