Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[shellshockedga]

Well, I haven't posted for a couple of days, just watching to see what was going to happen. Well, last night she said she had signed the papers to file for a divorce. So, today has been brutal. I thought I was completely prepared for this. Guess not. Although I did not talk to or see W all day, I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Possibly it could be that I haven't slept in 36 hours now or eaten much. Tried to go swim, but that was a bust as well.

When she discussed this with me last night, all she basically said was that even though I felt like our marriage was good, she hasn't felt happy. She could see all of the changes I had made and they were all positive, but too late for her. And the past couple months of her life, (read OM EA maybe PA), had made her happy. So forward she marches to the beat of the "D." At some point do you just finally throw up your hands and say enough trying. It's over? She doesn't want it and it is not comming back?

Going to dinner with a good friend who is also feeling some serious pain today. Hopefully we can cheer each other up a bit.

So now I will have to make some major decisions soon. None today of course. But they are on their way. Do I press the OM issue with the L to make sure there is limited or no alimony? I know there is a quote from PPT out there to act as if Jesus was standing next to you when making a hard decision like this. I am not sure what he would want me to do at this point. I realize I have to have a relationship with W for the rest of my life due to the children. How do you balance the need to keep that civil while also not ruining your own financial future? I did not ask for this. I did not want this. Again, If Jesus was standing next to you, what would you do? Perhaps some of this will begin to iron itself out over the next few weeks.

Please no 2x4s today. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but it has just been too tough of a day.