She's expressed to you that she feels that you put your career first over her and the kids. How long did she feel that way? Does she still feel that way? Did she hold all of her feelings in untill the bomb?
I don't think you need to tell her to get a job or get out or anything like that. You should move in the direction that you want to go in and if she gets it fine if not fine to.
Bring home a business card for a realtor and leave it by your stuff. Have bank information there from a totally different bank. Be transparent, she can't stop you. Let her see you let go.
The one question you need to ask yourself is have you given her what she has asked for the last 8 months. If you have and she doesn't recognize it she has already made her decision.
Allow yourself to grieve over this. It's out of your control. Let her face this choice and act as if she is right.
What SHE needs to do is no longer your problem. What does the barber say "Next".
I didn't want to see my dad die when I was 15. But I didn't have a choice. What choice do you have?
JJ
JTJ, she expressed that she did not think, through my actions over the years, that I was looking out for her and the children's interests. Not tied to my career. I work avg. hours for an attorney - not late ones. I put the kids on the bus in the am, and I'm home by around 6;00 - 6:30 each night.
And, last night is the FIRST time I heard that little tidbit. And, yes, she held her feelings in until the bomb. I quite literally, had no idea the bomb was coming - pretty typical LBS.
I am still weighing my options/plan. I do think she needs to be a big girl, put on the big girl girl panties and face reality. In a way, I have shielded her from reality by my DB'ing. Wouldn't do that differently - just a fact.
For the weekend, my plan is to pull way back. Not rudeness, but I will not initiate conversations. I will answer questions, provided she needs to know the answer. I will meet a friend out tonight for dinner rather than be at home like I always am on a Friday night.
I believe I have given her what I perceived she needed the last 6 months. Remember, she has no specific explanation of GIMA did this or that, and I don't like this or that. I fixed the things I knew needed repair. Now, if a mother of two, with no job, a house she can neither afford nor sell, refuses to work on a M with her H of nearly 13 years (will NOT go to MC cuz she's "done"), who has never cheated on her, who has quit drinking, is very involved with his children, who is home almost every night, who does nice things for her, who provides a steady income, and who has had a PMA for the last 6 months of the most difficult challenge of his life, then I cannot (nor can anyone else) "win" her back, whatever that means. And damm!t, I'm tired of trying.
Bit of a rant, but it's how I feel right now.
She has to face the reality of what will be. I will NOT save her from that. She is free to make a choice. But each choice has those little burdensome consequences with it.
It's interesting you mention seeing you dad die. My dad passed away on our anniversary, which is Monday. I wonder what he would think of all this?
