Birthday dinner tonight at her parents house and that went ok. However she made it very clear that she did not want to talk to me or have fun with me at all. Went out of her way to not be near me or around me. What is confusing is she was very adament that I go over there tonight as I did not even want to attend b/c I do not feel comfortable over there anymore with everything that is going on. On the drive home she started to angrily cry and say that I am ruining things and she wants to be left alone? She says that she wants to be left alone, however she does not want me to leave, she also does not want to talk, nor does she want to split up at this point?? I am very confused.... Also, she says that I am selfish--how do you make things more about her and not be about you? I know that I am all over the place in this post but could use some real help.
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
today was another day in crazyland. She went out with a friend for lunch and I spent the day with son and watched football. Later she got back and spoke about going to dinner together I said that would be nice and asked where she wanted to go, next thing she changes her mind back and foth a few times and we do not go out. I told her I was going to run to my mothers house and visit her with little guy and she was adament about going there with us?? Than we get home and her sister shows up and they sequester themselves away for a couple of hours she leaves than the wife goes to bed without saying anything at all.... I know that I do not have nearly as much time "in this" as others but this can really be an exhausting ride huh?
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Welcome to the roller coaster ride. You will continue to get the back and forth with everything, at least until she can make up her mind as to what she wants to do. Strap in brother, and hold on tight, it is going to be a long and wild ride. You just need to GAL, and keep the PMA!
thanks! oddly it at least makes me feel a little better that others are going thru this as well. Before finding this site I thought I was some kind of defective husband, and that others relationships were perfect. Today she already has called a couple of times and almost acts like nothing is wrong at all. Which I guess in her world it is not. She has not said anything about our issues to anyone other than her family and one friend---who I do not like alot anyways. To the rest of the world we are supposed to look like "normal".....I wonder what this means if anything, good or bad. It is very confusing
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
I was skimming back through your thread and I have not seen where anyone has laid out cake eatingto you yet. If you don't know that term yet, go through DR and read all about it. You will get lots of times where your W will act as though nothing is wrong. She will continue portraying your M as perfect to society when necessary. You are still filling some of her needs. I don't see where there is anyone else involved, have you investigated into that. Cell phone records, texting, e mails? Some of the signs of an EA seem present. One thing you said that I really dislike was her telling you that you can be the responsible one to cause the D. That is WAS script. Continue the counseling if you can, GAL, and keep the PMA. Shock
Shock--- Thanks for that, I to am suspect of an EA. I have gone thru cell, texts, e-mail there is one suspicious number that gets called an awful lot for lengthy periods of time but it is not listed? I would like to find out more about that. I may be naive but I do not think there is a PA but not out of the realm for a EA. How would you react to the cake-eating part? It does not seem to do any good to expose the problems, nor does it seem ok to go along with it like everything is ok??
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
FInding out who the number is can be pretty simple, call it from pay phones, have friends call it for you, etc.... Eventually you should be able to get a name from it somehow. Have you googled the number, sometimes you can find info that way if it is a business owner or something like that? As for dealing with the cake eating, that will be a very tough one to deal with, especially living in the same home. That will have to be a matter of you figuring out what does and does not work. As far as a PA, EA, does it really matter? In my opinion, a female having an EA is more dangerous to a relationship than a PA. May not hurt as much at the time, but it is definitely more destructive. A female needs love and emotion typically to have sex, it is a building block. Be very careful with that path if that is what is happening. Shock
no it does not matter really. I am leaving for a business trip in the morning and will be gone until Thursday night, I am very naive but I keep hoping that when I return that somehow things will be magically better. The longer this goes the harder I think it would/will be to ever see her in the same light. I know I have not posted on here so long, but have been going thru this crap since April and it is getting really old, really fast. I have made and make a ton of mistakes but the situation just feels ridiculous to me?? A big part of me wants to set a boundary of decide wether or not you want to invest the time/energy to make this work or let me know that you cannot do that so that I can move on. Even as i type that I realize that is probably the wrong answer, but that is how I feel alot of the time at this point......
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Well, maybe I am not the one to give advice here, you have lasted longer than me, but my WAXW took the red-eye flight to D-Land. I started in June, and was done in August. But I fought the good fight, did what I could, but in the end I could not do anything to change or sway her, her mind was made up. I knew what I needed to do take care of my children and made sure they came first and foremost. I know that I will never see my XW in the same light, and you most likely will never see your W the same. However, don't let that get you down, there are many success stories of couples that are even better than they ever could have imagined before. Is it easy? No. Will it take a lot of work? Yes. Can it be worth the effort and work? Absolutely! I wish nothing but the best for every member on here fighting to save their marriage. As I have stated before, keep the PMA, that is the most important thing that you can do for yourself! Shock
nothing major new to report here, W is going around acting like everything is "normal" Her sister is in town and staying with us which is comical b/c she knows everything is not normal but the W insists on acting life life is good no problems. She wants us to go out to dinner together and makes plans for the weekend. Than in a moment when it becomes just me and her she just gives me this "death stare" like she truly hates me it feel?? I really do not understand what is going thru her head. Another more direct question that maybe I can get some advice on--W claims that she has been unhappy since more or less the birth of our son who is now 2. She was on meds for post partem but stopped taking them. Now I have also had some issues during these 2 years with my fathers death, and job, and home changes. She claims to have gutted it out the last 2 years waiting for me to snap out of it. Well we went on a big trip to Hawaii in March and it just went Ok---It was for my work so it was not truly a vacation away from everything. When we got back at the end of March I really started to analyze where I was in life and what i wanted the rest of life and marriage to look like. I realized that I was not happy, had not been happy and actively started to make changes (diet, exercise, hours spent working, family time, re-commit to my marriage, etc..) I decided to do this and largely keep quiet about it, I wanted to prove to her and myself that this was truly a life changing decision for me, not a temporary promise that I would not hold up. This went on for about 4 months or so. Starting in August I noticed that my W had really pulled back way more than even before. Our sex life had dwindled from infrequent to none, and now I noticed she would not even kiss, cuddle, show any affection at all. SO than I started to talk to her and got the ILYBNILWY speech and that she claims that after Hawaii she was just thru with everyt6hing. I told her about the changes that I had silently been implementing in my life since we had gotten back. She commented that she noticed these changes but did not care, or did not think that they were genuine, and to little to late. So, my question is why did she hang in the relationship until say March but than in late March when she gets what she was asking for all along it is no longer good enough?? Also, why hang in there all this time to get it and than reject it? Why did she not just leave or file D either 2 years ago when she felt this way, or anytime along the way, or especially now that she claims this is too little to late and her love for me is gone? Sorry this is long winded but I think that if I could get my head around this I would have a much clearer picture of how to go about this and what I want to do with my life going forward. Is this a lost cause? Can it really be to little to late by missing each other literally by the time of a plane ride?
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
