Thinking about it "being different now"is making me nervous...so I'm not going to think about it too much, "act as if" we're just going out to have a good time and that's all, definitely no R talk, just act like I did before this all happened.
I was thinking of not staying overnight on Saturday night. Just picking up son and heading back...but then I read Deb's post and now I think I'm going to stay. I mean H didn't ask me to stay over, I asked him and he said okay. Now why should I be worried?
Then I told my friend my plans for the weekend and she said "WHAT!" and then why do you tell me these things! I cannot let what other people say bother me, I didn't do anything wrong, I want to work on this M. I told my friend that we've been getting along really well actually and what I've been doing different and she's still hesitant. I guess I shouldn't tell anyone what I'm doing anymore.
H just called, he is not staying over tomorrow night at his parents which means I will not be either. He must have got cold feet or thought about it or whatever
I guess I must have pushed H by telling him I was staying over, but that's okay, isn't it? He was very emotionless on the phone when I spoke with earlier.
So he must be running back in his tunnel. I really don't think I was ready for this anyways, it's not like we're together right now. So I am backing off...again.
No he didn't say why he wasn't staying and I didn't ask. He could just be saying that he wasn't staying and then decide to stay, too. Who knows.
Well now that I'm not staying I will make plans for the rest of the weekend.
Quote: Review the course of events and really look for ways to do it differently next time.
I think after what I said to him Wednesday night and how he reacted, he started to feel pressured and scared. I should have given him more time to get used to the idea. But on the other hand, he can't say I never want to do things with him for awhile.
Quote: It's JMHO that when we give to much to our Hs that are still actively involved with the OW all we're really doing is spinning our wheels and wasting valuable energy because they have the best of both worlds. If WE make them uncomfortable they run to the OW for safety...if the OW makes them uncomfortable they run to US for reassurance that we're still there waiting in the wings. That 'safety net' that both we and the OW provide them allows them to NEVER have to stop and look at what they're doing or feel/see the pain they're leaving in their wake all around them.
That safety net allows them to take comfort from whomever is willing to give it at the moment, with no regard for what it's costing the giver.
T2 put this over at holdingon's thread a few weeks back...am I doing this? Am I a safety net for H still or am I making him think about things and how maybe his feelings for me are starting to come back and that he's screwed! Meaning he's going to have to decide something or admit to himself that he really does want to come back?
Don't worry! They dod that all the time, your H will come out again! My H is staying out more and more! So don't worry you didn't backslide. H just got scared and ran back in the tunnel! It's not the end of the world!
