Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

I think I put myself in the worst position ever this week. Its been three hard long weeks of torture. I
have good days, and I have bad days.

That's about what the first three weeks of my sitch were like. Closer to five, really.

Now I feel like it is three weeks ago and he is leaving all over again today. He's been here two nights and this morning we played with the boys and it felt "normal" again. Only to hear him say he is going back tonight. Back to square one.

And this is why I keep suggesting that you find a copy of the book and read the articles on detachment. Until you can start caring about yourself first, you not going to get anywhere with him.

Maybe you're like me -- you'll have to founder for a few weeks, zig-zagging between highs and lows, before you get the message. If so, we'll be patient.

I feel like I am never going to heal from this! I am going to counselling but it isn't doing anything, because my focus right now is getting my husband back, not moving on with my life. Everyone keeps talking about my well being. Well honestly, I don't seem to care about that right now? I don't know how to care about it. All I care about is my husband, and getting him home. Then I can care about my well being again. Just my honest feelings.

You've been begging, pleading, and pursuing him for 3 weeks, right? What makes you think chasing him for another 3 weeks, or 3 months, is going to make any difference?

If something is not working, don't do it any more. You yourself said that taking some control back by denying him a place in your bed had an impact. That should be proof enough that trying something different than the normal, "rational" responses, may be what is needed.

There is no magic bullet that will patch things up. He was heading down this path for weeks before he dropped the bomb on you. He's not going to change course after a single night at home. It's going to be dozens -- hundreds, maybe -- of small victories that will add up

A couple weeks ago we got into a heated discussion and i told him that I feel like I don't know who he truly is. And this morning he threw that in my face a few times. And really wouldn't drop it. I wasn't sure how to handle it without making him angry so I kind of ignored it. Any thoughts as to why he would bring that up now?

Don't believe anything that he says right now. He's trying to convince himself (and you) that you just need to call it quits.

This is the same guy who wanted to sleep in the same bed with you and give you backrubs, right? So do you think that he is intentionally toying with your emotions and making you flip back and forth between happiness and pain, or is it more likely that he's confused as hell and doesn't know what he really wants?