Slept with XH, help!!

[Augtan]

Ok, people are going to go crazy when I say this, but I have to anyway....

This sight is called Divorcebusting...it says at the top that "you can save your marriage even if your spouse wants out" etc. So, here is what I have a problem with..why everyone keeps saying it isn't about saving your marriage, or getting your spouse back, when IT IS about that!! I understand all the stuff about GAL, making changes for you, detaching, all of that, but the goal is still suppose to be the same or it would just be a self-help book, site, message board...not a marriage saving site, a book about saving your marriage, etc. That is what it is about!! So, while I totally get what everyone is saying and how doing it has to be real, you have to make the real changes or your S will just see through it, you have to do it for you just in case it doesn't work and they don't come back, you have made some progress and are moving forward without them too. But, again the purpose I am on here is to get my XH to want to come home, so it is about that too!! If it doesn't happen I am not going to die, fall of the earth, end up committed or anything. I will move on, I will still be a mother to my kids, I will still go to work each day, life will go on. But, I started looking at me and working on me because my H left me and I wanted him to come back home.

Don't get me wrong, I am not arguing with one thing about what needs to be done and how to do it, what the motivation is, but I am not going to lie to myself and say there isn't a part of me that is doing it to get my XH back, cause that is what somewhat motivates me to do all I am doing. And, really I am not ashamed of it, that is what the book, site's main theme is...divorcebusting!! So, your H, W, XH or XW is part of your motivation or you would chose a different site that is based on moving on, improving yourself for that reason, and leaving your X in the past. Just my thoughts, and I know I am going to get lamblasted for saying it, but....I really believe all of us are here or started out here with the purpose of saving our marriage!!

I am not at all being sucked into anything to do with him, I really don't have time for that, but I do want to tell what happens with him here, because everyone tells you not to tell your family and friends, and I want to share it with someone. I am not wrapped up in it, just reporting what is going on. My mood was elevated the other night when he said he was starting C, because I am happy about that, no matter what it does for "us" if anything at all, I want him to be happy and come out of all this, in order to be a better Dad to our kids, if it does anything else... that is just a bonus.

Me-39
XH-42
M- 17 1/2 yrs, T-21
D-16, S-14, D-10
MLC- started 10/06
OW discovered-7/07
seperated-9/07
back together- 12/07
moves out again-7/08
D final-5/09
find out he was with OW the whole time btwn 1/08 to now -9/09