I think that is entirely up to her. Yes, she caused some damage but I don't think it is your place to bring it up. Let her get there on her own, if ever.
kat
What Kat said. ^
Man, are you a glutton for punishment, or what, H4U? Do you just TRY to make your marriage more complicated, or what???
While I don't know your whole story...let me get this straight.
You...the LBS wants your wife, who had an OM...OMW(WTF is that?) To contact said OMW...to apologize for her part?
You would be a glutton for punishment.
That's right up there with rubbing your wife nose in her shi t, and pretty controlling on your part. I am glad you think she might need to do that...for who exactly you or her?
After 3 years of piecing, I can say the key is to forgive, and not bring up their the mistakes as if you were lording it over them. Oh don't forget, but STFU about anything you said you forgive them for, otherwise you didn't.
Even mentioning this to her, implies that you feel she was more at fault than the OMW...really what exactly is an OMW?
Sorry Pup, normally I give you wide berth, we have similar ideas on the importance of standing up for one's self. I also respect your advice on New Comers, and I know we offer different advice, yours is better with WAH and mine of MLC, but in this case Hopes idea struck me so horribly bad for continued piecing.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Not for once. I actually think your stand up for yourself advice in normal situations is right the F on. Just not with most MLCers.
I recalled that...for lack of a better word...raid in Newcomers from some MLCers, and since MLC is where I hang my hat, I diplomatically didn't want any hard feelings.
A premptive apology, perhaps.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Your wife should apologize to his wife...and he should apologize to you? That day may come, but that day should be determined by them and no one else.
Hope,
Your wife gets to live with judgement from friends and family for the rest of her life for her affair. She has enough on her plate, including rebuilding with you. Let OM worry about his wife, just as your W is worrying about you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Definitely no. She is the one that has to feel sorry about that enough to do that...otherwise it is not really her remorse but yours. You may be thinking of the addiction and how getting over it would require something like that, like a 12-step program of AA or something. But, in this case, she is past that point and in a good place with you and trying to leave the past in the past and move forward. This is not important. It may be the "right" thing to do, but it has nothing to do with you.
I sometimes tell a poster that when me and, say, Breakaway, agree on something that they'd BETTER know it must be gospel, cuz we never agree on ANYTHING, lol.
Puppy
P.S. We're supposed to wear hats??? NO ONE TOLD ME!!
I recalled that...for lack of a better word...raid in Newcomers from some MLCers, and since MLC is where I hang my hat, I diplomatically didn't want any hard feelings.
Ahh, yes, THAT raid. Or, as I like to refer to it, "The Swingers at the Campground Incident."
I can smell an affair from 200 paces. If someone goes in with their eyes wide open, and operates from a position of either "there probably IS one," and acts/decides accordingly . . . or when they simply don't know, and are anxious in that unawareness . . . then I usually leave them alone. It's when they say "I'm 99.9% sure there's no one else," (despite a half a dozen red flags), "so I'm going to assume she's telling me the truth because I have no reason to doubt her."
Those are the ones that drive me nuts.
Because in their naive assumption, they make a huge strategic mistake, and therefore proceed to make tactical mistakes. And then there's the whole issue of repeated exposure to STDs if they're still sexually active, and depletion of the family's finances, and continued emotional damage, so yeah -- I want people to have their eyes open so they're not blindsided.
Speaking of "raids," and "hats," I should probably consider hanging MINE over here someday soon. Because there IS a whole different set of dynamics with Piecing, and I need to start getting more tailored support, I suppose.
It is walking a razors edge over a pit full of razors. Everything you learned not to do...R talks, ultimatiums, no snooping...now you have to do. And you have to learn when it is appropriate. Trust AND verify that your trust isn't misplaced...again.
You have to stand up for yourself...which is differnt from MLC standing up for yourself...and you have to back down, and know when each is appropriate.
For me I had to change my mind about my marriage being over and give her the shot.
Yeah...different dynamics...
I also didn't like Piecing forum, because it seemed to me...to many posters came here FAR too early in the process, and wondered what happened when things fell apart again. You know? It almost seemed like the Kiss of Death posting in here.
Pup, you got my ear anytime you need it, or think I can help.
As for the affair... That staggering number of WAS and WAS/MLC that have them...I think it is just better to prepare the poor btard LBS for the insanely high likelyhood of it, I just do not believe they should try to uncover it until they are mentally prepared..because even when they are, it is still like getting kicked in the nutz by a rabid goat on crack...repeatedly. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
