It's funny, Irish, I was thinking the same thing -- chalking xW's behavior to insanity. And then realizing that meant I had been falling back into old patterns by treating her as a rational person and giving her the benefit of a doubt about her concerns. It's like I have been failing over and over again to understand and to "make real for myself" that my ex is truly a fractured, mentally-deranged person, despite the pretenses she puts on to the otherwise. I guess I just have a hard time with that because it sounds like just so much hyperbole, even to me when I am the one who's facing it. It still continues to amaze me the difference between this person and the one I thought I had married.
So I have determined to break my conditioning that seems to compel me to treat her as an average "normal" person -- she no longer deserves my benefit of a doubt. I keep backsliding in that arena however and I have to be more careful.
[Edit: This is not to say I will treat her as a wacko directly to her face. It just means I will practice a little more discretion and continue to secretly remind myself when I interact with her that she's sick. "Just smile and wave, NCB, just smile and wave. Buh-bye."]
...
I have decided to take S8 to the Cub-O-Ree. I am moving Heaven and Earth to arrange to do so, and it's going to cost me in multiple ways, but for my S's I will do what I must. I am going to owe xW a weekend day for this. I have threatened a couple of projects at work that have deadlines due today just to arrange for the time to get my car into the service center for some tires and alignment work, so I will have a safe car driving S8 down to the scouting event. It will mean picking up S8 in the wee hours of the morning in order to be on time for registration -- meaning I won't be able to catch up on my sleep that I lost this week being on-call and pulling late-night, early-AM duty. It will also mean being late to the Bible Study tomorrow night, if I make it at all.
I am recalling having been constantly under the gun and on the run like this back when xW was my W and she was dictating all our lives. It makes me think -- I am now so very glad that I am no longer married to a person like that!!! I am so sorry for my children, but I am now thankful that I am not regularly put into that meat grinder. Thank you, God!
