Why am I resisting this...fear? Of what, really? Why does it make me sick to think that the kids might come to actually like her - when that would make life easier for them?
Is it a loyalty thing? It feels like betrayal, again, if they find a way to like her. Is that fair to ask them, to take sides between their mother and father? Of course not...
I recently read an little essay my son wrote that said he had 3 loving parents, and I have to admit it hurt a little, but not as much as I thought it would. I am glad my son feels loved. I am secure in knowing how much my son loves me. She will never replace me as his mother, he will never love her as a mother. But he can feel loved by her without taking anything away from me.
Quote:
She said that the kids can't believe that their father left their mother for a monster....is it better for them to think he left their mother for someone who is better?
Their father left their mother for someone else, that is his failing and the kids know that on some level. But they love their father, so they will put that aside and have their relationship with him. He didn't leave you for someone better. A better person does not get in the middle of someone elses marital problems, that is something that a broken person does. So two broken people clung to each other rather than face their own failings. Is that better, no. But it is what is, so continue to be the mom you want to be and let go of the fears. Your kids will love you as their mom, she can't change that.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
