Leaving the Land of Insanity...

[Virtually_Handsome]

And TopValue Stamps!

[kat727]

I remember those. Wow, that has been a while since those have been around. Oooppss, I am dating myself here, but since I have my age listed I guess it doesn't matter. lol

kat

[smith18]

I rememeber the laundry detergent that came with glasses, dishes or towels inside. Kind of like cracker jack for adults.

And I live in Oregon where, when a baby is born, the doctor slaps their bottom and says "No self-serve gas and no sales tax".

[Virtually_Handsome]

And getting glasses at the gas station! While they pumped your gas!

I visited Oregon a while ago, was totally thrown by the lack of a self serve island!

[smith18]

The last time we had a vote for self serve gas, the anti-self serve commercial was hilarious showing a woman accidently drenching herself with gas.

[mishka422]

OMG! No self-service gas in Oregon???? I think New Jersey is like that too. Dang! I'm from the land where I think they invented self-serve (CA) and live where people don't EVER get out of their cars at the bank. Still makes me laugh when I see people waiting in lines 6-7 cars deep in the drive-thru bank instead of walking inside where there is no one waiting.

[mishka422]

BBJ - That list flabbergasted me! I knew about the stripper in Tokyo and his latest but I wasn't aware of the 7 week one right after you had given birth. Good GOD almighty! What a completely selfish bast!rd.

You loved him, undeservedly, but you did and still do. Now just love you and the kids. Dan has done nothing to deserve you and honestly you will be better without his lack of love and caring in your daily life.

Think how far you have come in this journey. You will be absolutely fine BBJ! Better than fine....AMAZING! And go see a C ASAP

[Tomato]

((( BBJ )))

[Gypsy]

Hey Ms. BBJ...

This is emotional chaos where nothing makes sense. Keeping yourself open to the marriage makes you feel that you have to keep everything else available, too. Even when it makes you feel icky.

First things first.

Do things that are healthy for YOU, mentally, physically, emotionally. This is about YOU, not him. Entering or continuing a relationship when it's all about the other and you're not whole is a recipe for disaster.

What difficulties do you have? Based on what I've read his dropping over unannounced, singularly deciding what's the best way to deal with your son's sadness, etc. That's where your BOUNDARIES come in, like mishka pointed out.

He left the house, the home, the marriage. He has his own place he's playing Lego's with. You are in YOUR home, YOUR house. I set a boundary with my former spouse during the divorce that he had to ring the doorbell and wait to be let in. That he was not allowed in the house unless I was there. It was hard.. BUT.. it made my house a sanctuary, MY safe place. An unannounced appearance by your spouse should not mean that invited guests have to leave. If he's there, let him take the kids out for ice cream. Your sanctuary is no longer his home. He has to feel the consequences of his actions. You need to feel that you have choices, that you can be safe.

Right now your history together is muddied. Trying to understand and be validated is just beating a dead horse. In a perfect world, he would have be able to communicate what was amiss as would you. We are all flawed. We all get to this place together. What we do when the fabric is ripped defines how we move forward through life.

This is an amazing opportunity for growth. Not by dissecting the past, because it's over. Focus on who you are in the here and now. What seems right, wrong. Act on it. You have a voice. You are wonderful.

Here's how I make decisions:

If it seems great, the answer is yes.
If it seems wrong, the answer is no.
If I waffle or can't make a decision, the answer is no.

Standing in the light of who you are is a wonderful thing. You're great. You're loving. Focus on what's healthy for YOU.. and the rest will fall in place.

*hugs*

[addie]

Hey BBJ,

Seeing your history with H laid out in black and white has really hit home with me. There are many similarities including broken engagement, multiple affairs, several job changes and moves all over the country, dissatisfaction with life, blaming me for his unhappiness, wanting me/not wanting me throughout our R, etc. Ouch!!! Really hurts to lay it all out.

I think you are handling things the right way. Your H has to be willing to work through his issues before the two of you could ever have a healthy R. Although my H and I are Piecing it has been very difficult because H is unwilling to really deal with his/our issues. Until that happens we will never move forward.