Well. The night backfired...:( I stayed out all day, had lunch plans then coffee plans, then shopping plans. So on my way home at 8:00, he texts me that the boys are feeling better and he is going back to his sis's. So I talk to my oldest on the phone and he complains of a tummy ache! Ya sure they sound wonderful! I told him I disagree and the boys need to be home to completely get over there sicknesses and not around other people, so he gets mad and tells me he is on his way back. So he comes home and puts the boys to bed and tells me he's leaving to go eat cause he's starving. I told him I have plans later(which I didn't), because I don't think its fair that two nights in a row he's gotten to go out and I'm home with the boys when its his turn to be home. Just cause they are staying at our house doesn't mean he can just go when I'm there. That's not fair and once again he is using me! So anyways, I told him If I go, which I wasn't sure of yet, that it wouldn't be till later so he had time to go get some food. He got pissed off and took off. So now what? I try and do a 180 and leave for the day and make plans which is the opposite of me. He used to get so annoyed when he was working and I stayed home all day with the boys cause I used to complain about it a bit. How I was always so bored and he would forever tell me to go do stuff! So finally I did all day, and it backfired. I didn't tell him where I was going or when I was going to be home and he got soooo mad! Now I feel like crap. I hate when he is mad at me...I know it obviously bothered me that I was gone all day and he didn't know where I was or what I was doing, but this is my husband in a nutshell. He gets mad at me for something that I don't feel was even wrong! Its his turn to be with the boys I should be allowed to come and go as I please! Now I'm paying for it. I was looking foward to maybe spending a nice night at home with him. Having some good conversation, watching t.v. But now its all ruined. Guaranteed he is going come home and go straight downstairs and not even talk to me. Last night before he left to go get food he offered to bring me back something. But tonight he just stormed out...I'm so puzzled. Nothing seems to be working. The pit in the bottom of my stomach was gone all day today because I felt like I had some of the power after turning him down last night and now its completely 100% back in action. This sucks.
So you're trying to get him back by disagreeing with him? Am I reading that correctly.
He was out with the kids, told you he was taking the kids with him to his sisters and then you speak to your kids, one of them complains that they have a tummy ache and you tell him he has to bring the kids home.
Are you giving him a chance to be a parent or are you taking that away from him? Is he allowed to make mistakes and learn from them or are you always going to be reminding him of everything he does wrong? Maybe i'm reading too much into this but from that description above, and the way he reacted, it seems like this is regular expected behavior.
If the kids have a tummy ache, are you going to ever allow him to be a parent and deal with it? If not, how is he ever going to learn? And him leaving the home because he's "starving", yeah maybe so but he's also probably leaving to get away from a certain person. Just speaking from personal experience, after a while of this same old routine, a person's skin can start to itch something fierce.
I think your plan backfired because you told him what he had to do several times, bring the kids home, they're not feeling well, you can't go out just because I'm home, ok now you can go out because I'm not going out till later. Bit of a pattern here, you seem to be telling him what to do regularly and human nature dictates that we don't like to be around people that control us or tell us what to do.
If it was his turn to take care of the boys, you need to step back and let him do just that without intervening and he got worked up because you put your 0.02 cents about what he had to do with them. Let him learn what's required on his own, if he needs help, he'll call you and if he doesn't call you, it means he didn't need help.
If my wife had told me that I had to bring my kids back home because one of them was complaining about a tummy ache, I would have told her that I will take care of it myself and if I have to bring the kids back because it's what you want, you might as well take care of the kids since you don't trust me enough to do the job myself.
You closed off your conversation by saying you wanted to spend some time with him but it sounded like you were doing some pushing away with him, didn't sound inviting, at least not to me.
As for "not putting out" if I read that correctly, alot of men tie physical intimacy closely together with love since they don't usually express that emotion in many other ways. I'm not saying you have to "put out" but take into account rejection is never fun either - look at it from his point of view or at least try to. Rejection sucks and you do it enough times, he's going to stop pursuing and he going to start rejecting you actively, it's not a question of if, it will happen, I guarantee it.
And the "power" that you referred to, great you controlled the sex, you controlled that he should bring the kids home, you controlled that he couldn't go out to eat and then later you controlled he could grab a bit because you weren't going till later - after all of that nonsense, I would be like "keep your sex, keep your demands, keep everything you want, just give me space from you" ie. the "basement".
You want stability & security in your life, start giving some otherwise don't expect any at all.
