My story begins with a twist...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yep.

[TrentC]

The master bed is a queen-sized bed and will not fit in the spare bedroom. I'll let her have the master bed until her mom is gone, then she can go back to the spare bedroom.

I've already decided that some other things will be changing when she moves back; if she wants to live like a roommate, she gets to contribute like a roommate as well. There's definitely been some cake-eating for the past couple of weeks...

[robx]

Well, the problem is that she actually needs to sleep in the main bed because she's still recovering from surgery; the she has trouble getting up and out of the guest bed. I had offered to swap outright, but she said that I could stay with her in the main bed.

Now that I know how she feels, I'm planning on either moving to the couch or telling her mother that we will be trading beds -- she can sleep with her daughter and I'll take the spare bed.

Once my MIL is gone, we'll revisit the sleeping arrangements.

Well aren't you lucky that she gave YOU permission to stay with her in the main bed.

2x4

2x4

2x4

Trent, I know you're being the nice husband and I know that this is the person you are, a nice guy. I hear you, your wife is recovering from her hospitalization & related issues.

Now please hear me (and the rest of us), she doesn't have to give you permission, you're an adult. You will sleep in the bed and if she has a problem with it, she will have to suck it up and do something about it, ie. sleep in the guest bed.

I can't remember if your MIL knows that what your wife is up to, ie. the affair with the OM. It's not your job to hide it, you aren't your wife's confidante anymore. She is cheating on you and you are allowing her to cross every boundary with you and she will continue to do so.

Put your foot down.

Turn this around: it's up to you to give her permission to sleep in the same bed with you and right now, recovery or not, I would tell her to go sleep in the guest bed or the couch.

Stop being nice with her - it's not working.
No more cuddling, why did she deserve that from you, why are you doing nice things for her if she is cheating on you? Take a step back and look at it objectively. I do something bad to you but you continue doing nice things for me, I might as well continue doing bad things to you, apparently it's a rewarding experience at my end.

Consciously or subconsciously, she wants you to man up, stand up for yourself, respect yourself and hold her accountable for her "crap behavior" (I know you guys love that term).

Stop rewarding her, you are training her to treat you badly and then you wonder why she does it.

2x4

2x4

2x4

No excuses, No explanations: excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse.

If you want to really turn this thing around, start with how you are and what you're doing.

[TrentC]

My MIL does know about the EA, but my wife doesn't know that she knows.

I guess that's going to change when I get home.

[chatterbug]

I believe it is an important conversation. Mother and Daughter. Its going to happen. WAS needs to see disappointment. Why has it taken this long to happen? The Mother is reality. Disappointment is reality. Spare bedroom is reality. You have some mini goals here to work in your long term battleplans on how you fight this war.

[Lll54]

I feel for you Trent. I would love to be able to give you some advice. But I feel to new at this to have any insight. I look up to you for being able to help me when this is happening to you. Good luck. Thanks again.

Britt

[TrentC]

Thanks, Britt.

One thing to keep in mind is that most all of us on this forum are struggling with the same issues, one way or another. I'm just a few steps farther down the path than you are.

And we are blessed to have a few people who have worked things out and are willing to share their experiences with us. There's even an ex-wayward spouse or two around here.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

There's even an ex-wayward spouse or two around here.

There IS?? WHERE???

[TrentC]

There IS?? WHERE???

Let me give you this burlap sack and have you go out into the woods. While you're out there, we'll start making a lot of noise and scare them towards you...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

LMAO.

Next thing you'll tell me is that there's some o' them conservative Christians around here!! HORRORS!!!

Puppy