Nell, Rabbit, Bonny and Julia....thanks so much for your feedback. I went out tonight and it was a wonderful surprise to read your opinions when I got back.
First off, about a year ago we went out for a family dinner and had a lovely night together. We walked out to the car and then H started talking about financial settlement totally out of the blue. I told the db coach and she said that she felt he panicked cos he was getting too close and it was his way of saying we've had a nice time but it doesn't change anything. She suggested that in response I should say that I would not stand in the way of settlement but I would not initiate it. I have used that same line all the way through. My solicitor agreed. She said to let him have the expense of setting up the first appointment/proposal.
A few weeks ago when we had NC H emailed and asked for my solicitor's details, stating that he wanted to get things sorted. I emailed with the details and left it at that. There's been no further mention until today. Now he expects me to put forward a proposal and I guess he is saying if I don't he will go through a solicitor. I don't understand why we can't sit and discuss it all to reach a fair compromise. His arguments against that include that other financial deals are not settled in this way, they are sorted in writing. I said, yeah but you haven't known these people for 25 years either. He maintains that he has done all the work in putting forward proposals before which is true(but not for over a year and our financial position has changed). However, on each occasion he refused to negotiate. In my mind they were therefore dummy proposals.
So this morning all was going well until the end and now he's trying to force me to do something with which I am very uncomfortable. H is brilliant at the financial side of things and this is not my area. I feel at a distinct disadvantage.
I am thinking that I will tell him to go through the solicitor. I honestly don't think that this is a preferred course of action for him as he really doesn't like paying for solicitors unnecessarily.
His email refusing the dinner was sent at 9.08am. I had left the coffee shop at about 8.40am. He said he had to work and study...he has a major exam next week and he usually works Sundays. He usually spends sat night with ow. In the meantime he is having D for lunch on Sat, his birthday. The refusal was polite and he thanked for the invitation.
I text him late this afternoon re D as I had more info about the situation we discussed this morn. He replied in the same positive manner as before so he is not in non speaking mode as he would normally be.
I feel quite hurt by his actions and I know I shouldn't be. I feel annoyed that he has been so dificult for so long, doing very little as a parent and the only time I've asked for help is in sorting our finances and he refuses to budge. I've had an extremely busy work week and I know I am very tired. I am trying not to let it get to me. I'm just not sure why he is so insistent that I initiate things. Then , on the flip side I wonder if I am being equally pig headed and if I should just surprise him and get it underway.
I will still send a birthday card to show I haven't got annoyed by his rejection of my invitation. However, I am thinking that resuming NC is the way to go in the meantime. I'll think about this overnight.
