Well, the problem is that she actually needs to sleep in the main bed because she's still recovering from surgery; the she has trouble getting up and out of the guest bed. I had offered to swap outright, but she said that I could stay with her in the main bed.
Now that I know how she feels, I'm planning on either moving to the couch or telling her mother that we will be trading beds -- she can sleep with her daughter and I'll take the spare bed.
Once my MIL is gone, we'll revisit the sleeping arrangements.
Well aren't you lucky that she gave YOU permission to stay with her in the main bed.
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Trent, I know you're being the nice husband and I know that this is the person you are, a nice guy. I hear you, your wife is recovering from her hospitalization & related issues.
Now please hear me (and the rest of us), she doesn't have to give you permission, you're an adult. You will sleep in the bed and if she has a problem with it, she will have to suck it up and do something about it, ie. sleep in the guest bed.
I can't remember if your MIL knows that what your wife is up to, ie. the affair with the OM. It's not your job to hide it, you aren't your wife's confidante anymore. She is cheating on you and you are allowing her to cross every boundary with you and she will continue to do so.
Put your foot down.
Turn this around: it's up to you to give her permission to sleep in the same bed with you and right now, recovery or not, I would tell her to go sleep in the guest bed or the couch.
Stop being nice with her - it's not working. No more cuddling, why did she deserve that from you, why are you doing nice things for her if she is cheating on you? Take a step back and look at it objectively. I do something bad to you but you continue doing nice things for me, I might as well continue doing bad things to you, apparently it's a rewarding experience at my end.
Consciously or subconsciously, she wants you to man up, stand up for yourself, respect yourself and hold her accountable for her "crap behavior" (I know you guys love that term).
Stop rewarding her, you are training her to treat you badly and then you wonder why she does it.
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No excuses, No explanations: excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse.
If you want to really turn this thing around, start with how you are and what you're doing.
