There's a definite "dance" aspect to this, that I think I failed to recognize (and act on), despite other people telling me to. There was simply too much resentment built up in me, both for my wife's near-20 years of sexual and affection distance, and for her affair two years ago. I knew I HAD to dance, but I was pissy and pouty and resentful and had a "oh, just F it" attitude.
The separation helped me to enjoy the dance again, and to learn how to pursue CORRECTLY. And it took (and I fear STILL takes) my wife fearing losing me to get HER to warm up and drop the veneer.
There's a lot more to it than that, but I just wanted to put that out there. We had lost being "Puppy" and "(Wife's first name)", and had become just "Mr. and Mrs. Puppy." The separate residence isn't a panacea, but it DOES help change the ROLES.
