Gotta Keep Trying 2

[iwantittowork]

GIMA,

I feel for you brother, your at a place I was a few weeks ago. I don't know if what I did is the correct thing, but it WAS the correct thing for me at the time.

First though, you may want some time here before you make hasty plans..

I don't feel like I should have to leave my home. But, I do not think she will agree to move out.

What does GIMA want here? I had asked my STBXW to move, but she wouldn't, and ultimately it was best for me to move, as I needed to be closer to work, and my d8 will be with STBXW as custodial parent. However, I put the bills for the house in STBXW's control, at my risk, but she needs to feel some pressure for this. I felt my STBXW was 'cake eating' a bit by floating at home not in a MR, but me paying for everything as if we were. Do you feel that way yourself? How can you put some burden back to her for what SHE has decided?

And what about the kids, the true losers in all of this. Now that part rips my heart out.

I hear you, and understand. This was exactly why I stuck around so much. My d8 has been amazing though, even though this is just the first week. Me sticking around the marital home during the next few months would have been WORSE for d8, keep that in mind for your kids, as you plan. Saving GIMA's emotional and financial well being is most important so you can be there for the kids no matter what happens.

Do I consult with a L? Do I set up a seperate checking account so she cannot see what I'm spending my money on (I would give her $ to pay the bills - and I don't know how much, if any, is left over for L or "my" things).

These two things I would do, if I were you, but they should be for you and not about spite, etc. I have been talking with someone who D'd a few years ago, and he DIDN'T seperate his checking account, figuring his W was not a bad person, and she then wiped out 20k of savings on the way out the door.

What I found is that there are no 100% 'correct' answers here, you have to do what is best for you, and then ride the wave after, and deal with things as they come up.

I am praying for you my friend, with all I can to pull through this no matter what the outcome..