UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Sanderika]

Hi Nell,

Don't feel flat and empty just yet.

I would keep the upbeat emotions flowing in light of the upcoming weekend, if for no other reason. If you start to feel flat and empty (dwelling on ALL the problems at hand) it will show to others and you MUST be very much the opposite right now.

I agree with Julia, Gucci is simply stating that what you have been doing over the past 10 days or so is pursueing. I agree with him (them).

You need to learn how to DB effectively without pursueing.
Remember my "happy face" earlier this week. Pursueing, Pursueing, Pursueing.....Stupid me!!!!

DB the right way takes time. We, ladies, have been telling you stuff that has worked for us. Gucci, we love him, is telling you stuff that works also. Like Cas said it's all great advice from those of us who have been there and done that....you ultimately need to sort out the good ideas vs. the bad ones based on who you guys are personality wise and the history you share. We will tell you bad ideas if you give us the chance to do so....so keep coming here for advice, it's way better than any other on earth. Like someone else said "We have all been there and/or are there and the advice is priceless for what it costs." We are a family, we want to help.

Jump to me.....to enlighten you. My "happy face" didn't cause too much damage, H called last night and we had a wonderful hour long chat and laughed and had a great time. He is coming around. It's his timing and his comfort level. It's Sanderika being patient and time. Not to mention my personal DB techniques with H.

Nell, none of your DB friends are D yet (I think). We are full of ideas and have been able to bring our marriages to better places than when this all started. I think I am the record holder (in your current circle of DB friends) at 50 + months post-bomb. I brought my marriage FROM "I hate you, we are getting a D" and an H that was running away so fast he was on fire TO last night and a fun, meaningful conversation with H, a call he initiated (H said he wanted to call me right from work). YES, I understand that it has been 50 + months, it was my choice. This takes a lot of work and time. We make a choice DB and give it time and a world of patience.

What I am saying, see what the weekend holds. Let's see what happens, this will tell us where your H is at currently. Believe me, the rollercoaster ride will continue. It will be filled with ups and downs. YOU WILL NOT attract H back if you treat him any other way but kind, concerning, friendly, etc...just the way we all tell you to treat him. So do it!!

I will stay in touch over the weekend to help if I can, got to get ready for work.....(((((Hugs))))) I am a day behind you and I find that a problem. (Keep it in mind)

Sanderika