The letter thing can be trouble. Come here with it first. I understand the pain, I felt it too, that is why I did what I did.
One more suggestion if I may... Wait a day or two to do anything I'm hearing lots of anger. (rightfully so) However, it won't serve you well in your efforts.
You need to find a way to firmly, gently set what you will and won't put up with. I read and re read HB's posts to I think it was Leep. There are a few good ones in there about this same issue. She talks about fear and how Leep was afraid of the future and she had to be willing to let all of that go to possibly save her M. Also, she talked about breaking the cycle. Some good stuff there. Its a ways back so it takes some doing to find it.
